


To love and to be in love

by insufferablelovebirds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Harry is 20, Intended Tomlinshaw, Journalist Louis, Louis hates Harry, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Past Relationship(s), Photographer Harry, Reconciliation, asexual!zayn, i don't know how to tag this i'm sorry, louis is 23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:49:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2588984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insufferablelovebirds/pseuds/insufferablelovebirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five years and Louis still thinks he hates Harry</p><p>AU where Louis and Harry have had a falling out and fate makes them fall back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from One Direction's 18 ( written by Ed Sheeran)  
> I own nothing, this is as always, fiction.   
> Hope you enjoy

The coffee shop was packed, Louis had the article due by two am and it was already after twelve. He pursed his lips and typed out a whining message to Liam. He didn't even like plays, let alone ones that started almost an hour late and  wedged him between an elderly couple and a bored four year old who kept poking at his tattoos.

"Your column is about Art Louis, plays are art."

 _Fuck art_ , honestly. He was getting to old for this. 

Off to the left someone dropped a cup, splashing hot crappy coffee all over the floor, Louis rolled his eyes and turned back to face the front of the line -Only four people with ridiculous orders to go . Louis knew he wasn't being fair, these people were going about their day, they weren't causes of his own crappy evening but even after growing up with four little sisters , a man had his limits .

The door opened again the bell clanging over the din, Louis kept his eyes on his phone not wanting to interact, willing the line to go faster. 

Some off the wall indie song began playing and Louis resisted the urge to roll his eyes again.

"Hi mum." Louis head snapped up. _No_. It _couldn't_ be.

"Just getting a coffee."

Fuck, he'd recognize  that voice anywhere, that deep slow drawl. Slow drawl that would whisper nonsense in the dark, hell he'd listened to it as it deepened, he'd heard it thick with tears, rough and blissed out, squeaky and excited  he knew that voice.

His phone slipped from his numb fingers and clattered to the floor, the back flew off and of course it skidded backwards. 

"Fuck." Louis dropped to his knees trying his hardest not to look at the man behind him, a ring clad hand reached down  and plucked the back of Louis phone off the floor. 

"Erm, I think this is yours?"

Louis took a deep breath and stood. "Thanks mate." he said keeping his eyes glued to the hand - with the birthmark he use to draw faces on back  when he was a possessive little shit who needed to mark him every way possible- the grip on the back tightened.

" _Louis_?" 

Louis looked up his mouth dry . "Harry."

He looked different then when he had been sixteen, all the stubborn baby fat gone, he was tall - fuck a head  taller than Louis now- and lanky, the angles of his jaw coming out. some things were the same thick chocolate  colored curls that  now just rested on his shoulders, bright red lips, cavernous dimples  and striking green eyes that would have taken Louis breath away.

"What are you even doing here?" it sounded harsher than Louis had meant it too, but fuck it he had every reason to be harsh.

Harry's small smile dimmed and he loosened his grip enough Louis could take the cover back. "Well normally you get coffee at a cafe-"

"I meant in London. Last I heard you lived in California." The line moved ahead again.

"Niall didn't say anything?" Confusion clear in his voice, Louis could tell he was frowning too, probably had a little furrow between his eyebrows. 

"Obviously." 

"I moved back like, six months ago." 

Louis froze. "Six months?" he turned back to Harry. He nodded eyes wide.

"You didn't know? I didn't know it would be a thing, I mean, after all this time."

Louis grit his teeth. "No, I didn't." he stepped forward to place his order.

"Is this a problem? My living here?" Harry asked leaning against the counter forcing Louis to make eye contact.

"No, no problem." Louis said tersely paying for his coffee and turning away, a hand on his elbow stopped him.

"Lou, listen." Louis fought down a wave of anger at the pet name. "I know we left on the wrong foot, but like, can we catch up?"

"I can't, I have to work now Harry." 

"Not now, no, but like sometime? Here." he pulled a card out of his pocket - what the hell was he doing with business cards? - "That's my number, just like call? When you have time?"

"Harry..."

"Or text, " Harry pushed. "Anything, just like so you can choose."

Louis sighed and took the card slipping it into his pocket, fully intending to forget it. 

"It's good to see you." Harry said squeezing his elbow before releasing it, his eyes searching Louis face.

"I really need to go, I'm sorry."

Harry shook his head. "Yeah, of course."

 

Louis kept his mind carefully black as he walked to his flat and turned the key in the lock. Unsurprisingly  Liam was sprawled across his couch reading drafts for next weeks magazine.

"Hey Lou."

Louis set down his now cold coffee on the table next to his keys, and slid his bag to the floor.

"Is Niall here?" Louis was surprised at how calm his voice was.

"Yeah, toilet." Liam said highlighting something.

"Hey, Tommo! I was thinking -what the fuck?!" Niall cursed ducking. Louis had picked up one of the throw pillows his mum had bought him when he'd moved back and hurled it at Niall.

"Six _months_?" Louis asked. "Did you plan on telling me at _all_?" he threw another pillow, fancy they maybe they made a pleasing thunk when they collided with Niall.

"Lou what are you on about?" Liam asked half hiding behind his papers.

"Harry." Louis spat, not taking his eyes off Niall. "Ran in to him in my cafe, didn't I? He told me he'd been back in London for six months." Another pillow went flying.

"Fuck." Niall said dodging. "Lou I can-"

"Not only did you stay in contact with him, you conveniently forget to tell me he moved back?"

"I was going to tell you!" Niall  rushed. "I just didn't know how!"

"How about, 'oh yeah, the man that broke your heart's in back in town, heads up!' " Another pillow, one left, damn.

"Like that would have worked!" Niall said defiantly. "You would have skipped out of town instead of facing him. Just like you did with Paris."

Louis jaw dropped. "You don't know what happened, you've got no right."

Niall rolled his eyes. "We all know what happened, Lou, did you forget who was there? I knew you would react this way. Because you can't let it go, for some reason you've got to keep that anger you have for him alive."

"Don't pull that psychology bullshit on me Horan."

"I am I wrong?" Louis glared at the floor. "Lou what he did to you was shitty, yeah, but it's been five years."

"Get out."

"Lou-."

Louis dropped the last pillow. "Get. Out. Of my flat." he hissed. "I don't have time for two faced bastards tonight."

Niall looked at incredulously. "You knew I stayed in contact with him, Louis, I never made it a secret."

Louis sighed. "I need to work, get out , both of you."

"I didn't even do anything!" Liam protested. Louis shot him a look that could melt lead.

"I was going to tell you, Lou." Niall said putting on his coat.

"It's a little too late, Niall."

"I'm sorry." Niall said one last time before closing the door softly behind him.

"What are you going to do?" Liam asked gathering up his papers.

"I hear Italy's nice."

"Lou.."

"I'm going to write my column, that's what I'm going to do."

"Are you going to see him again?" Liam pressed.

Louis dropped onto the couch. "I don't know." he said honestly. "I'm not going to skip town if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not just your boss I'm your friend Louis."

"I can't deal with it now Li, okay?" Louis tilted his head back looking at Liam upside down. Liam nodded bidding him goodbye reluctantly .

 

Wednesday evening Louis opened the door to Niall shifting his weight while he waited. Louis opened one of the two bottles of vodka he carried.

"Lou I'm-"

"We, "Louis interrupted. "Are going to get plastered and forget about it, deal?" he held out the bottle eyebrows raised.

Niall took the bottle throwing back a healthy amount. "Deal."

Half an hour later with  half empty bottles Louis and Niall sat on the kitchen floor a bowl of popcorn between them.

"He wasn't surprised to see me." Louis said, proud his voice wasn't slurring.

"He knew you moved back here." Niall said around a mouthful of popcorn.

Louis narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"He asked." Niall shrugged. "I didn't just  volunteer information, but I didn't lie."

Louis hummed taking another burning  sip. "I'm sorry I called you a two faced bastard."

Niall laughed. "You've called me worse."

 "You're a good friend Horan." 

"I know." He paused. "Are you going to see him?"

Louis leaned back until he was flat on the floor, his sweat pants leg bunching up to his knee. "Should I?"

Niall joined him. "Up to you mate. I know he's really wanted to smooth things over for a while."

even through the vodka Louis felt a coil of anger in his stomach. "He's the reason it all went to hell anyway."

"You were both so young Lou, you fuck up when your young, don't pretend you didn't."

Louis sighed. "Here we go that lecture again, heard it, next." Louis ceiling was a lovely cream color, why didn't he lie on the floor more, this was a good place for thinking. "He sounded  so... I don't know..hopeful? At the coffee shop"

Niall yawned. " I told you he's wanted to smooth things over for a while."

Louis sighed and closed his eyes.

 

Friday came and Louis had no clean boxers, he sighed deeply as he emptied his pants pockets. The top of a disposable pen, a couple of gum wrappers and crushed cigarette later he found a card. He turned it over, there was a fucking butterfly in the corner and in scrawling script was   _Harry Styles : Photographer for hire_   a number and a web address underneath. 

"Shit." Louis breathed. Harry had loved photography, since he was young he had wanted to have an exhibit that had been his goal at sixteen, he had  a sudden flash of sitting cross legged across from a blushing boy on his bed, with just the moon light illuminating the pile of Polaroids on the bed between them.

"These are really good Hazza."

Harry twisted his shorts in his fingers blushing deeper at the praise. "Not really."

Louis grabs his face cupping his cheeks. "They are though. Really, really good." he ghosts his lips over Harry's.

Louis let out a deep breath, he could still remember the warmth of Harry's lips, his breath fanning over his face. He sank on to the bed and pulled over his laptop , staring at the open web browser before finally typing in the website.

It was simple black and white themed blog, it was full of pictures: scenery, a few  engagement pictures, what looked like a wedding, the bride looked familiar - hold on- Louis looked closer , rubbing his eyes. Same dark hair, dimples, and warm honest smile. Of course she looked familiar, she had been a second mother to him.

"Anne." he murmured scrolling down,  the pictures were dated a little more than a year ago, she looked happy, looking lovingly at the man on her arm. Louis let out a humorless chuckle. Harry had photographed his own mothers wedding. He kept scrolling finding many shots ranging from infancy to toddler for a pretty blonde  girl apparently  named Lux. 

Louis automatically clicked on the link to his twitter account, he didn't use it much, posting song lyrics and thanking people he worked with, his Instagram was full of only  black and white pictures, like he had a theme almost, some of what Louis assumed were friends, again that little girl sometimes paired with a woman, her mother maybe? - a young woman he recognized as his sister. It was so ...Harry. All of it. Maybe he still was that sixteen year old shyly telling him he liked taking pictures.

Louis shut the laptop and looked at the card in his hand again. He had hated Harry for almost five years. Hated him for what he did, hated him for saying the words Louis was so afraid of, hated him for making Louis care about him, hated him for being gone. Hating him had been so much easier than wondering why he missed him so much, wondering if he'd moved on, wondering if he had misread everything, wondering if Harry was thinking the same things, wondering why he cared so much. So Louis had clung to that anger. 

Louis dialed the number on the card his heart racing. _"Hiiii, this is Harry Styles, leave your name and number if you want and I'll get back to you, thanks._ "

There was a football sized lump in Louis throat. "Um, Hi, it's Louis? I know I was kind of a dick the other day but I do want to- I mean , I'm free tomorrow if you still wanted to get -"

"Louis, hi." Harry sounded out of breath. "Sorry I was out for a run."

"Right. well I was just calling to say if you still wanted to  talk that I'm free tomorrow?" 

"Absolutely." Harry replied. "There's this cafe?" he rattled off an address. Louis agreed and they set a time. "I'm really glad you called Lou." Harry said softly before hanging up.

 

Louis wasn't nervous. That would imply that he cared. He was just less than excited to drudge up the past.  He arrived at the cafe five minutes early, it was small but huge windows on either side of the door letting the rare sunlight fill the shop. There was a fair amount of people milling around inside as Louis stood in line he spotted Harry sat at a table by the front window, he had a beanie tugged low over his ears and was bent over a book.

"I'm not late, I am?"  Louis asked clutching a cup of coffee as he sat down across from Harry nodding at the half eaten croissant and coffee.

Harry jumped slightly looking up immediately closing  his book with a small smile. "Not at all. I come here  after I run." he tugged off his beanie and ran a hand through his hair before knotting his hands  together on top of his book. 

Louis wrapped his hands around his cup, looking out the window. "Nice day."

"Yeah." Harry said slowly. "Bit chilly."

"Suppose you're still adjusting?" Louis asked with a minuscule smile. "America thinned your blood or something."

Harry chuckled. "Well mild eighties nearly year round does that to a person, I can't wait for winter, I missed snow."

Louis nodded, knowing he needed to open the door for deeper discussions but delaying instead. "So how have you been?"

 Louis shifted as Harry scanned his face, eyes concentrated. "I've been good, missed London."

"What brought you back anyway?" Louis sipped his luke warm coffee.

Harry looked down, twisting the ring on his right hand. " I dunno, I just - I came with a friend and couldn't bare to leave? Mum's been trying to get me to move back for ages-"

"Anne's here?" Louis interrupted.

"Yeah, she and Robin moved after the wedding, she missed it and his kids are grown so, nothing keeping him."  a smile bloomed on Harry's face as he spoke.

"I take it you approve." 

Harry laughed. "He's good, kind, worships mum..like, he really loves her, that's good enough for me and Gems."

Louis smiled, looking down. "I went to your site." he paused not sure how to finish. "You're a natural at it." he risked a glace at Harry. He had his head down and was biting his lip just like he use to.

"I'm alright."

Louis chuckled, shaking his head sipping his coffee. "What about you?" Harry asked leaning forward slightly. "You finished school in France?"

Louis nodded, "Yeah, journalism. Got a gig at a paper stayed 'round there a while, came up to London for fashion week and just...never went back. Liam got me in at the magazine here and that's it really." 

 Harry nodded not taking his eyes off Louis face. "What about your mum? The girls?"

"All good, Mum's got her hands full with the two new ones though." Harry raised his eyebrows and Louis pulled out his phone, pulling up a picture.  Harry angled the phone , his fingers brushing Louis.

"They're adorable." he said beaming as he sat back. "She's incredible, Jay."

"She is." Louis agreed pocketing his phone. They fell into a silence, Harry studying his coffee and Louis watching the people on the sidewalk, one question bubbling up. "So," he said turning back to Harry. "Tell me, how are american girls?" the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Harry stared at him frowning. "They're very polite." he said carefully.

Louis internally rolled his eyes. "I see." he drank deeply from his coffee, Harry was still staring at him, god his gaze was piercing. He looked at him, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Lou." he said slowly, controlled. "You do know you weren't a experiment or a  phase to me right?"

Louis snorted, running his hand through his hair. "Everything's an experiment or a phase  at sixteen Harry."

Harry barked out a laugh. "You were a lot of firsts for me Lou, but definitely  not the first man I was attracted to."

 "Damn, I'll have to take it off my resume then."

Harry smiled softly at the joke. "I'm serious though, yeah?" 

Louis swallowed , not making eye contact. "I guess."

Harry was silent for a time, shooting Louis quick looks. "You didn't think." he took a deep breath waiting until Louis met his eyes. "That's the reason I broke up with you, did you?"

Harry's eyes bore into Louis, searching for something. "Well you didn't exactly give me an detailed explanation  Harry, what was I suppose to think?" 

Harry looked away, pain flashing in his eyes. "You think I would have done that to you?"

" I was kind of blind sided, to be honest. I always thought  we were on the same page." he chuckled bitterly. "I was wrong."

"We were on the same page though, from the moment we started." Harry insisted " I was  scared."

"Scared?" Louis asked incredulously, his grip on his cup tightening. "Scared of what? Commitment?"

Harry looked up at him sharply. " _Don't_. You knew how committed I was to you. I was terrified that it was the last page. You were so excited to finish school in France and I'd just found out we were moving, I was bloody terrified we would go through the same thing as mum and dad did. I couldn't watch you slip away from me Lou." He looked away again, "I didn't know what was going to happen to us, it was going to be hard enough being a couple of hours apart let alone have an ocean between us." 

"The thing is Harry." Louis said picking his words carefully. "If you were scared you could have talked to me about it. We could have worked it out. Not 'I think we should call it quits.' "

"Jesus Lou, I wanted to talk, but how would I bring it up? 'Oh yeah I'm worried your going to flit off and find a french model' Tell me you would have taken that lightly. Christ I was a gangly sixteen year old boy, I didn't stand a chance."

Louis laughed humorlessly. "Are you saying I would have cheated on you? Give me a break Harry."

"No." Harry said leaning forward. "I'm saying we would have fallen apart, I'm saying I would have felt guilty  because you were sitting at home when you could have your pick of men. I"m saying I would have held you back."

"Don't play the honorable  card." Louis snapped.

"I wanted to tell you all of this the next day but you were already gone." Harry continued eyes shining.

"I was hurt."

"You think I wasn't? I'd just broken up with my first real boyfriend and he'd up and left with up a second glance, what was I supposed to think? to feel?"

"So you're saying it's all my fault? I opened up to you Harry, you were serious to me and you fucking broke my heart."

"I know." Harry insisted, he reached across the table to take Louis hand but though better of it  " I know you did, but in my mind I was protecting you- us. I was so stupid. So young and so stupid. I'm so sorry Lou, I am. Nothing I  can say will ever fix it I know that, but you have to know I am sorry."

Louis searched his face, his eyes were dark and clouded. "I know." he whispered. "I am too. I should have though- I should have thought about why. I'm sorry Harry." the realization washed over him. "I should have  tried harder to keep you."

Harry looked down at his lap. Louis drank the end of his cold coffee, the bitter liquid burning the back of his throat.  

 Louis let out an empty laugh. "We really fucked things up didn't we?"

"Understatement." Harry echoed."Listen Lou."

"Harry, don't please, don't."

Harry's brow furrowed. "What?" he asked anyway, eyes now focused on a curling corner of his book.

"Don't ask me to give you another chance, please."

Harry huffed out a noise. "I wasn't going to, I can't ask that of you. I was going to ask if we could try and not, like, avoid each other?"

Louis heard the underlying note of pleading in his voice, Harry had always had people around him leaving, with his father traveling so much when he was young, and then his parents divorce had thrown him for weeks. That cheeky boy who'd snuck backstage to  praise Louis on his performance in Grease in his seventh year with a  god awful joke had been replaced with a bitter, sleep deprived boy.

That was the time he and Harry had bonded the most, Harry needed the comfort of someone else who had gone through the same feelings he was, Louis remembered vividly one night as they lay on  the dew damp grass too comfortable to go home  Harry had confided that he was wondering if the divorce was because of him, that he had come out his father nearly a week before Anne had told sat him and Gemma down to tell them their father wasn't coming home. How a bitter tear had tracked it's way down his cheek as he muttered about ruining everything. How Louis rolled over and pinned his wrists to the ground making him wince, demanding that he stop thinking that way before going home and telling Anne. He couldn't stand the thought of him being unhappy and blaming himself. 

Somethings never change. 

Louis didn't have to remind himself he was still angry at Harry, it came in waves of "why" and "could have" and "shouldn't have" but now a part of that anger was directed at himself.

 _He_ could have, he _should_ have. But he hadn't.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Harry mimicked looking up.

"Okay, we won't avoid each other, I can't promise more that that." 

Harry nodded. "Of course."

Louis glanced at the clock on the wall behind Harry. They'd been here almost two hours, "I'm not ditching you." Louis started, making Harry smile. "But I have to go."

Harry swallowed and nodded again.  "Me too, actually, I have a shoot in about an hour. A family with their dog" 

Louis laughed lightly. "That should be fun." There was still a tenseness around them, each worried about reveling too much.

"Loads." Harry laughed, it was warm and filled the room. Louis stood and stepped towards Harry placing a hand on his shoulder and ignoring the zing of electricity that shot up his arm.

"I'll see you around, okay? No hiding out?" 

Harry smiled, the left dimple Louis used to sink his thumb into, popping out. "See you."


	2. Chapter 2

It was two weeks before Louis ran into Harry again, he was at the market  picking up a few things, one of those things being a jar of peanut butter, which Louis couldn't reach  because the store apparently catered to fucking giants. He stood on the toes of his shoes his fingers just brushing the jar when a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed the jar dropping it into Louis basket.

"Thanks, I would have gotten - _Harry_." Louis blew his hair out of his face. Harry smiled at him, eyes on the shelves bouncing on his heels. He had his hair in a bun this time, a curl coming loose by his ear.

"No problem." he said he reached down and grabbed a bottle of soy sauce from a lower self, "Do you know if this is a good brand?" he asked holding up the bottle, his necklace swung forward, tapping it.

Louis raised his eyebrows. "You think I know?" he shook his head turning away. He heard Harry let out a bark of laughter.

"You've lived here longer I assumed you would." 

"You honestly think I cook?" Louis asked browsing the fruit spreads, it was between strawberry and rhubarb

"Couldn't boil an egg back, figured you'd learned a little."  Harry came up beside him and selected a jar of blackberry spread, his hand grazing Louis.

Louis drug his eyes past Harry's naked chest- it's freezing out and he's got more then half the fucking buttons undone, honestly.

"Why would I?" Louis scoffed walking down the aisle.

"You're an adult?" Harry suggested, keeping pace with Louis. Louis laughed. "Good one."

Harry shook his head. "I'll see you around." he said smiling.

"See you." Louis replied still laughing. Watching as Harry turned down another aisle an idea hit him."Hey, Harry!" he paused, looking over at Louis with a frown.

"Listen, on Friday nights me mates and I go to the pub on 7th street, you know it?" Harry nodded, looking confused so Louis plowed on. "If your not busy and want to you can come, yeah?"

"I don't want to intrude." Harry insisted. " I don't want you uncomfortable." 

Louis sighed, running his free hand through his hair. "I invited you so you won't be intruding and ..we live in the same city we're going to run into each other, I wouldn't have offered if I was uncomfortable with it."

Harry's gaze stung as it swept over Louis, too sharp, like he was trying to get Louis to take it back. "Well," he said slowly. "I do have plans to catch up with the Crawely's on Friday but I might be able to put them off, I'm not sure." It took Louis a moment to process.

"Fuck you." he grumbled turning on his heel as Harry let  a bark of laughter. 

"Hey, Lou?" he called. Louis turned, eyebrows raised. "I'll think about it? Thanks for inviting me."

Louis  shrugged and turned away, he could feel Harry's gaze as he walked to check out.

 

"Louis that isn't working." Liam's voice cut in.

"Is." Louis replied not moving his face from the top of his desk where it had been located for the past twenty minutes. "Creative thinking and all."

"Louis."

Louis peeled his face off the desk, it was one thirty on a Friday what did Liam expect? "What Payno, My column  is already submitted, what more could you possibly want."

"Louis we're on the clock and we're adults, act like one." Liam scowled  fixed his tie, honestly he was much more fun before his senior editor promotion. 

 "What is with people and telling me I'm an adult." he grumbled sitting up."Don't you look smart. Going somewhere?"

"No Louis, this is how I dress I don't wear t shirts to work." Liam leaned against the edge of Louis desk, smirking.

"Oi, I've got a blazer on, that dresses it up, Causal but not too causal." Louis leaned back lacing his fingers behind his head. "So where are you going, you don't pull out the three piece for just anyone."

Liam sighed deeply, "We're just going for lunch." he mumbled. Louis raised his eyebrows, "I wanted your advice on the suit okay?"

Louis smirked. "You can't hide from me Payno. Either drop the jacket or the button up, you look like you're selling insurance."

"You're sure?"

"My dear Liam, I have an art column, I lived in France for three and half years - where I had an fashion column, mind you- and I'm gay."

Liam laughed, stripping off his suit jacket. "What does being gay have to do with it?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "Learn your stereotypes." 

Liam shook his head and left Louis with his jacket, Louis might have filled the pockets with skittles. 

 

"Hey, Lou. Where's that thing." Jade bounced over.

"What thing?" Louis asked dumping the rest of the skittles in to his mouth.

Jade rolled her eyes, "The thing you promised to take care of while Leigh-Anne was out of town?" she rolled her eyes while Louis stared at her . "The model of the issue thing."

"I said I'd do that?"

Jade ran her hand over her face. "Yes, two months ago when she asked if you would while she was off for a month."

Louis made a face before shrugging. "What do I do?" Jade handed him a tablet, the screen was full of thumb prints of models.

"Pick a model, write a bit about her and why you chose her for this months issue and e-mail it to me."

Louis nodded scrolling through the pictures. "Fair enough, thank you my love." She caught the kiss he blew her and mock swooned before leaving him.

Louis got bored half way through the folder, but in the end choosing a blonde model whose name was apparently Cara, he liked the lion tattoo on her finger and the dress was beautiful. He read the preface about her and the designer - he'd actually written about her before-  popping out a paragraph about it, attaching the image he noticed the photographers name printed along the edge of the frame. _Harry Styles_.

He dropped the tablet gaining a few looks, blushing he picked it up and searched for the event. Since when did Harry do runways and why weren't they on his site? 

The event was a brand launch that had taken place almost eight months ago- the same event Louis had attended for the spread he'd written about supporting local designers . He and Harry had been at the same event. 

 

"For gods sake Lou, will you stop that." Niall griped setting down his beer a little harder then necessary.

"Sorry." Louis stopped the leg that had been bouncing under the table.

"Why are you so jittery  anyway?" Liam asked  he flicked an peanut shell at Louis. Louis dumped the bowl of peanuts into Liam's lap.

"No reason."

"Looking to pull?" Niall wagged his brows. Louis rolled his eyes and dumped a handful of nuts into his beer. 

"Oh no , we're out of nuts, I'll get more, you tossers."  Louis ignored them and went to the bar, leaning against the sticky surface while the bartender refilled their bowl.

"Anything else?" she smiled prettily.

"I think we're good." he returned her smile.

When he returned to the table there was someone next to Liam, a familiar laugh greeting Louis. "You made it." he stated  taking his place next to Niall across the table.

Harry smiled casually at him, pushing up the sleeves of his sweater. "Yeah." he held Louis eyes until the bartender cleared her throat from behind him, he dropped his eyes to the table.

"What can I get you all to drink?" she asked tossing her hair back and leaning on the table. Louis felt a pang of something  that almost felt like anger, low in his gut.

Harry looked at her with wide doe eyes, a small smirk forming. "I'll take a Cosmopolitan, please." 

Her face fell slightly before she turned her dazzling smile to Louis. "I'll take the same actually."  Niall snorted.

She rolled her eyes touching Louis shoulder lightly turning to the others. "Beers for you?"

"I don't get it." Liam said after the bartender left. Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Cosmos are _the_ gay drink, Payno. Sort of code for bartenders."

"I see." Liam downed the rest of his beer.

 

"So you work at a magazine?" Harry asked him a few minutes later sipping his drink.

"I do." Liam said tersely turning away and checking hi phone. Harry nodded obviously stung and stood.

"I'm going to get.. something. Anybody want anything?"  Louis shook his head, Niall held his card.

"Anything fried." he winked. As soon as Harry was at the bar Louis kicked Liam under the table.

"What the fuck Lou?" Liam rubbed his shin.

"Be nice." Louis hissed. Liam gaped at him.

"Pot dear have you met the kettle?" 

"Bite me."

"Says the man who was cursing his name not two weeks ago." Liam said slowly. Louis rolled his eyes downing the rest of his drink.

"My battles Liam, just be nice."

"Your battles? That's why we got drug into it before then?" he gestured between he and Niall to emphasize.

"Don't be a dick, I fucked up. Just try okay?" 

Liam kept his gaze, eyes asking questions before nodding. "Alright, I just hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I." Louis murmured as Harry came back.

 

A few hours and a good number of drinks later Louis was buzzed and attempting to steal chips from Liam.

"Keep your dirty paws off Tomlinson." He and Harry were in a deep discussion about about something, probably boring, Liam was boring.

"Liam's boring." Louis whispered in Niall's ear resting his head on his shoulder.

"Not as boring as he was before he met you." Niall mumbled, Louis hummed in agreement. 

Harry nudged his mostly empty plate of chips over towards Louis. "I'm done, want them?"

Louis shook his head. "You don't have to."

Harry smiled. "I'm  serious I'll just  throw them away otherwise." he turned back to Liam, brushing his hair back he nodded along, completely enraptured by their conversation. Louis stuffed a chip in his mouth feeling far too sober.

The later it got the busier the bar got, suddenly a bartender appeared placing a bright green drink in front of Harry who looked up in bewilderment. "I didn't order this."

"No." the bartender said nodding to a red haired man with a beard at the bar."He did, told me something fruity for the one with the hair."

Even in the dim lighting of the bar, Louis saw the blush crawl up Harry's neck. "Well, thank you, then." the bartender winked and left. Harry cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. "I should, um, yeah, excuse me."

Avoiding looking at  Louis he stood and walked up the man who smile blatantly checking Harry out. Louis' jaw clenched involuntary, his hand tightening on the table as Harry threw his head back laughing. He was way too sober for this.

"Alright Lou?" Niall nudged shoulders eyes darting between Harry, Liam and Louis.

"Fine." Louis said too quickly. "Just fine." he threw back the rest of his drink, wincing as the alcohol burned his throat. "It's late." he said "I'm going to head home while I can walk."

He made the mistake of looking over at the bar again, Harry and the red haired git were still talking, as Louis watched red  haired git put his hand on Harry's bicep squeezing slightly. Louis jaw clenched again. He had no reason for the pit of anger swirling in his stomach. None.

"You need a ride Louis?" Liam asked watching him closely.  Louis shook his head.

"I'll let you know when I get home." he turned to Niall planting a wet kiss on his cheek.

 

Louis had two text messages waiting when he finally made it home stripped down to his boxers and fell into bed. One from Niall and one from Harry of all people. Louis opened Niall's first. 

_H didn't go home with him._

_"Why the hell would I care?"_ Louis responded even as the invisible band around his chest loosened. Niall sent back a smiley face. Honestly, Louis needed better friends.

Harry's was simple.

_Sorry I didn't say goodbye._

Louis hesitated before replying. _"Same time next week?"_

_I look forward to it_

Louis dropped his phone off the edge of the bed with a groan. What was he getting himself into .

 

"I love three day weekends!" Niall shouted over the music. "Gives me a reason to get plastered!"

"You get plastered anyway." Liam pointed out.

"Oh shut up." 

When Louis returned from the toilets Harry had joined them as well as an incredibly attractive man, with caramel skin embedded with an sleeve of ink, dark warm eyes and a jaw line that could kill.

"This is my mate-"  Harry was saying.

"Jesus Christ." Louis blurt out when the man made eye  contact with him. He smiled his eyes crinkling up.

"Well I go by the name Zayn Malik ." he said holding out his hand to Louis, flushing deeply Louis took it squeezing slightly as they shook, Harry laughed.

"Louis Tomlinson .Sorry, I kind of lose my filter after a few." 

Zayn laughed. "It's no problem, when I first met Niall he offered a shag 'even though he's straight' "

Louis nodded. "Sounds about right." Niall bounded around the table, slinging an arm around Louis neck, drink in hand.

"Zayn doesn't like sex." he whispered loudly. "He's um, what's it called? "

"Asexual." Zayn supplied taking the drink Harry handed him and sipping it.

"Right! Asexual! Ace for short or whatever, means he doesn't shag, damn shame too, look at 'em, could populate the earth with god like babies." sighing deeply he settled into Louis side. "Such a pretty man." he  whispered before putting his head down on the table.

Harry leaned over and checked his pulse. "He'll sleep it off for a bit then." he said sitting back.

"I feel like I should apologize for that." Louis said leaning close. Zayn shook his head.

"Nah, I don't care who knows, as long as you don't ask me why I'm 'broken' I don't care, it's just who I am."  Louis nodded raising the end of his drink in toast.

"Good on that." he nodded throwing it back, Zayn copied setting down his glass.

"If it helps your ego though, You're just as beautiful as Harry says."

Louis choked. " _What_." 

 Zayn looked at him amused," I believe his exact words were." he paused looking over at Harry who was in deep conversation with Liam- funny how well they got on - " 'Breathtakingly beautiful' and 'a tongue sharp enough to cut' " Louis flushed again and stuttered out a response before Harry threw an arm around Zayn.

"Dance with me!"

"I can't dance."

"Do it anyway." Harry pouted. Zayn rolled his eyes and allowed harry to drag him on the dance floor. 

"Alright Lou?" Liam asked leaning over Niall. "Look a little pale."

"I need another drink." Louis decided standing up. "Watch him will you? makes sure he doesn't brain himself." he nodded at Niall.

"Louis..." Liam started  but Louis was already in the crowds, by passing a laughing Zayn as Harry danced against him with exaggerated movements. He reached the bar leaning heavily nodding as the bartender raised a finger indicating it would be a minute. Louis sighed turning around to face the dance floor again , his gaze automatically coming to rest on Harry. 

"You look a little lonely." Said a voice to his right, Louis turned meeting brown eyes and perfectly quiffed hair. 

"Aren't we all?" Louis  looked up at the man raising his eyebrows. The man smiled leaning forward and exposing more of his chest.

" _Touche_." he dipped his head smiling at the bar, he was pretty good looking, Louis thought, maybe he did need a distraction... Cringing at how that sounded in his head he turned and held out his hand.

"Louis." The man took it in both hands shaking quickly.

"Nicholas Grimshaw, My friends call me Grimmy."

Louis hummed. "Someone's got to call you Nick though, it's a crime otherwise."

"You're welcome to it."

Louis smiled. "Am I now, Nick?"

Nick smiled, canine teeth digging into his bottom lip. "I only offer certain people that privilege of course."

"What kind of _'certain people'_ get that exactly?" Louis asked full out flirting now, he pushed  aside the small amount of guilt that began to bubble up in his stomach.

Nick smiled at him again. "Why don't we get a few shots and I'll tell you?"

Louis tapped his fingers on his chin. "I make it point not to just do  shots with random fit blokes at clubs, Nick darling."

Nick laughed. "Wise, very wise." he said nodding he leaned close and whispered in Louis ear. "I'll tell you my life story."

Louis laughed. "Well if that's  case.."

 

Louis was slightly more than buzzed, he and Nick were sharing a table in the corner practically in each others laps, giggling and sharing nonsense stories.

"Alright." Louis said picking up the salt shaker he shook it on to his neck feeling the grains stick to his sweaty skin. "Let's have fun now, yeah?"

Nick's eyes flicked from Louis neck to his lips and back again before he licked his lips and threw back the shot grimacing before leaning forward and  licking up Louis neck.

Louis eyes fluttered shut and Nick's teeth nipped at the skin of his collarbone before he dragged his lips up to Louis jaw kissing towards his lips, giving him plenty of time to  pull away or protest. Louis hand traveled up to grip Nick's hair as he fit their lips together in an awkward kiss before pulling away and shifting so they faced each other immediately parting Nick's lips with his tongue moaning as he sucked on his tongue.

"You wanna get out of here?" Nick asked breathlessly breaking the kiss a good time later.  Louis hummed, tugging on his now ruined hair. 

"Bathroom?"

"I don't even care." Nick said climbing out the booth and pulling Louis with him by the hand. They made it to the bathroom and Louis was pinning Nick to the wall , slipping a leg between his giggling into sloppy kisses ignoring the guilt bubbling in his stomach . Nick's hands slipped down Louis back to his waist, fingers dipping into to band of his jeans before sliding forward to palm him causing Louis to moan into his mouth and shift against him, he worked at the zipper. Just as he got the button popped and the guilt bubbled over - he couldn't do this, Harry was right beyond that wall somewhere for fucks sake, he had to stop this- he pulled away and the bathroom door burst open announcing Niall with a hand over his mouth, quickly followed by - of fucking course- Harry. 

Niall rushed into a empty stall the noises of sick hitting the surface of the water echoing. Harry stood frozen in the door way, his eyes jumping from Louis - now a good six feet away from Nick - with his shirt askew, red splotches on his cheeks and red kissed lips, to Nick with his hair askew and shirt completely undone breathing heavily. He visibly  swallowed before walking slowly between them to the stall where Niall knelt coughing and swearing.

Louis looked at Nick who raised hie eye brows in question. Louis shook his head, his stomach turning, he shouldn't feel this way , he shouldn't feel like he was hurting Harry, he shouldn't. 

But he did.

"'m sorry. I can't." he whispered, just loudly enough for Nick to hear over the flushing toilet. He shrugged, eyes flickering to the stall that held Harry, putting pieces together and put a palm to Louis cheek before buttoning shirt and leaving.

Louis took a shaky breath and righted himself in the cracked mirror above the sink, taming his hair and wiping the remnants of salt of his throat. He glared at his reflection daring it to speak until he saw Niall behind him. 

"Feel better?" he asked, his voice was off and his smile fake, Harry was right behind Niall, apparently memorizing the floor.

"It's them mixed drinks." Niall said roughly splashing cold water on his face, oblivious. Louis handed him a paper towel. "Give me hard liquor and I can drink all you under the table."

"Don't I know it."

 Niall clapped him on the shoulder and left leaving Harry and Louis alone. Louis looked at Harry who looked away when Louis tried for eye contact.

"Words of wisdom." Harry said tonelessly, staring a spot above Louis head. "If you plan to get off with a bloke in a club bathroom, a stall keeps you from being interrupted." With that he turned on his heel and walked out,  slamming the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis woke up in the bathtub.

He vaguely remembered Liam depositing him there after he drug him home from the club's bar, he blinked in the semi darkness, his head hurt but wasn't pounding but his stomach flipped and his mouth was dry which meant Liam had convinced him to drink electrolytes and take pain relievers before he passed out. His phone was in the sink, shrugging he stripped out of his t shirt and tossed it towards the basket, a sticky note fluttered down, apparently stuck to his forehead.

" _Let me know your alive.- Liam_ " with a badly drawn penis in the corner, Louis stretched and reached for his phone while he turned on the light and stepped out of his jeans and boxers, turning on the shower to heat.

" _You can't draw dicks for shit xx"_ Louis texted setting down his phone and stepping into the blissfully hot water.

Louis padded into his kitchen drying his hair as he turned on the tea pot, while the water heated he looked through his phone  from last night - always fun to find out who he drunk dialed - seemed he texted  his mother how much he loved her, sent a few rude texts to Niall and sent something to Harry.

Shit, shit, double shit.

He put his phone down and rubbed his eyes, trying to remember what happened. After being rooted to the bathroom floor for a good ten minutes he finally came back out into the club, making way to the table he'd left his friends at.

"There you are." Liam said worriedly, taking his phone away from his ear. "Niall said you were in the bathroom but you didn't come out."

"I'm fine." Louis said dropping into his seat and putting his head down on the table.

"Harry left." Zayn said just loud enough for Louis to hear. He lifted his head, Zayn tried to meet his eyes but Louis looked away.

"I need a drink."

It was well past two when Liam appeared at Louis side tugging on his arm. "C'mon, it's time to go."

"I'm fine." Louis slurred batting at Liam. "Go home if you want I'mma stay."

Liam shook his head. "No Lou, come on don't make it hard, You're plastered."

"I fucked up bad Liam."

"It's okay." Liam managed to get him to his feet.

"Is it really? 'Cause I don't think it is."  Liam got him outside and hailed a cab stuffing Louis inside.

"Whatever it is it'll be fine, Lou."

Louis groaned and pulled out his phone, scrolling, he hadn't talked to his mum lately, but it was much too late for her. His eyes landed on his and Harry's last exchange. Harry had sent him a picture of blackened banana 'Is this a-peeling to only me?'

Louis closed his eyes a moment, he knew he fucked up, only in his alcohol ridden mind would he admit he missed Harry a little  since he'd come back into his life- fuck that -he missed Harry a lot, a hell of a lot more then he should have because he hated him and all.

Damn it.

He didn't hate Harry. He tried to think back to when he stopped hating him, he couldn't pin down a time. Maybe he never had hated Harry. Maybe he was just a massive dick . he thought back to the cafe, he remorse he felt as Harry told him his reasons for breaking up with him. He really ought to have tried harder, should have called him or something should have listened better. Louis could still smell Nick's crappy cologne on his clothes, Harry's pinched face swam into view. damn it. Fuck up number two. At least this one he could apologize. That was a good idea. He pulled out his phone and as nimbly as he could and typed a simple _'I'm sorry'_ and pressed send as Liam was pulling him out of the car. Liam was nice, best friend ever. Louis has the best friends.  

Damn his drunkenness.  

But Harry hadn't replied, which was ...interesting.

Louis made a cup of tea and got dressed, standing in front of the fridge eating a bowl of cereal  he watched his phone sit motionless on the counter. After rinsing his bowl he picked up his phone ( _zero new messages_ ) and dialed Niall.

"This better be good." Niall growled.

"It is." Louis said sprawling on the couch. "I need you to text Harry."

"Why the fuck can't you text him?"

"Because I need to know if he's ignoring me or just not awake..I may have sent him something last night." 

"A nude? Oh my god I will never let you live that down." 

"Not a nude, you twat." Louis snapped. "Just do it for me yeah?"

"What do I get out of it?" Niall sounded giddy.

Louis rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "I'll pay your tab for the next month."

Niall hummed over the phone before he put Louis on speaker, his voice now tinny "Deal." he was quiet a moment before the line started ringing.  
"Niall what the fuck-." Louis cut off swiftly as Harry answered the phone.

"Whats up?"

"Nothin'. Just seeing if you were working today."

"Yeah.." Harry paused. "Are you still drunk? Are you drunk calling me now I thought we were only on texting bases, I'm touched." 

"Shove off." Niall laughed. "Hey ya get any text from the lads last night? I got a shit load had to turn off me phone."

"I ..I got a couple." Harry said, there was something in his voice. "Hey, Ni? I got to go, I'm late for work."

Louis listened as they said good bye and Harry's line clicked. "Fuck." he breathed.

"What did you send to him Lou?"

Louis shook his head forgetting Niall couldn't see him. "Where does he work Nialler?"

"Lou..."

"Niall I...I don't hate him. I miss him, I miss his quirkiness and his bad jokes okay? I didn't know until I got them back."

Niall's voice was soft. "Okay, Lou, okay just don't make things worse yeah? It was hard enough to be the middle friend and watch my two best mates hurt." 

 *

 Louis walked in to the shop, the bell above the door ringing gently a woman stood up behind the counter. 

"Hello, I'm Caroline, can I help you?"

Louis rocked on his heels the room was too quiet with the pale pastel walls and the soft carpet. "I'm looking for Harry Styles actually? "

Caroline nodded,"He's in the back right now, but you're welcome to wait, he'll be done shortly." Louis nodded and looked around the room, a few generic waiting room toys stood in a corner, with a few chairs, a coffee table and a book of backgrounds, the far wall was filled with blown up photographs, mostly scenery.

"They're good aren't they." Caroline had come up behind him.

"Yeah." Louis agreed. "Really good, are they yours?"

She laughed. "Oh goodness no, I'm awful at scenery they're Harry's  of course. One of my agreements when he came to work here was that I was allowed to post his work here and sell it should it happen."

Louis didn't get to answer, a woman and a baby came from the back room, Harry following, he made a beeline for the computer." Your prints should be ready in about a week, I'll call if it's any earlier or later." he finished with a smile at the baby who cooed and gargled. The woman thanked him and left leaving Caroline, Harry and Louis alone, Harry kept his head down as he scribbled something on an envelope. "Hey Caroline do your think we should -" he finally looked up and stopped staring at Louis. "What are you doing here?"  

"I wanted to talk." Louis snapped.

"I'm working." Harry said shortly.

Caroline looked between them. "Harry love, why don't you take the rest of the day, yeah?  We've only got my client left I can handle them alone."

Harry looked at her, Louis could see the argument on the tip of his tongue, but he nodded, his jaw set. He took his coat from under the desk and walked towards the door.

He stood outside the studio hands in the pockets of his coat. Louis stepped up next to him and he started walking leaving Louis no choice but the follow, Harry stopped a dozen or so blocks and turned to Louis. "Well? You wanted to talk so talk."

Louis floundered for a moment, he knew Harry  could be cold when he wanted to be, he could even be angry but he had never been on the receiving side before.  
"I wanted to apologize for last night."

Harry let out a bark of laughter. "There's no need, you can fuck whoever you want in a club bathroom, it's none of my business."

"Harry-"

"I just can't figure out why, was it to prove you're over it? To get back at me? What? I just don't understand."

Louis gaped. "What are you talking about? ' _Get back at you'_? What the hell Harry? You think I'm shallow enough to do that? Really?"

"I don't know!" he yelled throwing his hands in the air, several people looked between them as the passed. "I don't know  do I? I don't know you!"

"Harry you know me better than anyone else." Louis said quietly 

"Do I?" Harry snapped. "I don't think so, the Louis I knew wouldn't have been caught dead in a club toilet with his pants down."

"Oh for fucks sake Harry, nothing was going to happen, I was drunk wanted a good time, but I couldn't fucking go through with it, could I? Not knowing you were there." 

They stared at each other a moment, before Harry dropped his eyes.

"Harry." Louis started, his throat tight. "No matter what happened between us how ever long ago I wouldn't do that."

Harry seemed to shrink slightly, eyes never leaving the pavement. "Apology accepted."

Louis let out a breathe he didn't realize he'd been holding and almost automatically took a step towards Harry, but Harry stepped back. "I have things -I have something I have to do."

"Harry-" Louis started, but Harry turned on his heel and walked away, head down, hands deep in his pockets. Louis ran his hands through his hair while his stomach flipped, he pulled out his phone automatically when it vibrated.

_It's Zayn meet me at the cafe? need to speak with you_

 

Louis found himself stepping to the very same cafe he and Harry had met at, instead of looking for the all too familiar head of curls he found himself standing in front of Zayn, he had a copy of Hamlet open on the table, his tattoos covered by a blue sweater, his dark eyes followed Louis from the counter and into the seat across from him, cup raised to his mouth. Only when Louis sat did he finally lowered the cup and lean forward.

"He's still in love with you, you  know?"

Louis cocked his head. "Look Zayn I don't know you well but I don't like cryptic shit." 

"Harry."

Louis shook his head. "No he's not."

"Blimey Liam was right you really are an idiot."

"He-"

Zayn rolled his eyes. "Don't give me the 'he broke up with me' excuse. You can't be that stupid."

Louis threw his hands in the air. "Alright I give up, what are you on about?"

Zayn leaned back in his chair. "You really don't see it?"

"See what?" 

Zayn stared at him, a smile growing on his face. "Oh that makes prefect sense, then doesn't it."

"If you're going to spew shit -" Louis started, his temper lost.

"You're still in love with him." Zayn nodded.

Louis let out a bark of laughter. "No, I'm not."

"Really?" Zayn said leaning forward. "Then why'd you get plastered the other night? Why couldn't you shack up with  that guy in the toilet?  Why do you look like complete shit right now?"

"I-"

"Why'd you apologize to Harry when there was no reason? " he let out a humorless chuckle. "You feel guilty, like you cheated him don't you?" 

Louis swallowed the words turning over in his mind. 

"Listen, I don't know you and I don't know Harry  very well but I can tell you he's still mad about you."

Louis shook his head. "How could he be? He's the one that ended it, I wanted to make it work."

Zayn studied him. "You ever hear the phrase 'if you love something you let it go'?"

Louis nodded, not grasping what Zayn meant.

"What about 'fighting for what you want'?"

Louis rubbed his eyes, turning the words over: He and Harry stood across from each other in Louis childhood bedroom, Harry's head was bent over the piece of paper Louis had shoved at him the moment he walked through the door, his smile grew as he read before flung his arms around Louis neck.

"Lou I'm so so proud of you! This is just what you wanted!"

Louis squeezed him, his nose tucked in Harry's curls they were the same height now, Harry had grown so much in a year at this rate he'd be taller than Louis by the he was eighteen. "I can't wait! Paris Haz!" Louis loosened his hold enough to pepper Harry's face with kisses. "You have to come and visit me all the time, okay? I'll get a part time job and we'll save up for weekends and stuff."  Harry stiffened in his arms.

"Harry? " Louis asked worriedly letting go of Harry until just their fingertips touched, Harry kept his eyes downcast and pulled Louis over to the bed, folding the letter neatly and placing it on the bedside table before pulling Louis down next to him, holding on so Louis had to lay down. "Pet, what's wrong?" Louis asked carding a hand through Harry's curls.

Harry mumbled something into Louis neck. "Baby I can't hear you, is everything alright?"

Harry raised his face and pressed a kiss to Louis jaw a tear rolling down his cheek. "We're moving." he said softly holding Louis closer.

Louis hand stilled. "What? Why? Where?"

Harry let out a muffled sob. "The states, mum got a job there."

Louis heart dropped. "No, you can't, she can't - can't ask you just to drop your whole lives like that and move it isn't fair,  what about Gem? I'm sure she's-"  
"Happy, can't wait." Harry deadpanned. "Think it'll be good for all of us. I don't want to go." Harry sniffled.

'You'll stay here then, Mum won't mind."

"I'm already enrolled in a school."

Louis froze. "Then...then we'll make it work yeah? We can do it. "

Harry shook his head, burying it farther in Louis neck, Louis felt him press his lips to his suddenly cold skin. "Maybe we should- should take a... break." the words sounded painful as the fell from Harry's lips.

Louis sat up. "What?"

Harry blinked up at him from the bed. "You're going to Paris Lou, I'm going to freaking America how would it work?" Louis could see the cold glint in Harry's eye meaning the battle was already lost. He felt tears pool in his eyes but they didn't fall.

"I love you." he whispered, it was the first time it had held more meaning then he could have ever thought possible. "I love you." he repeated as though it would change Harry's mind.

Harry looked at him once more, his face was broken, tears sliding down his face. "I'm sorry." he whispered darting down to press a kiss to Louis slack mouth, brushing his thumb over his bottom lip before quietly slipping on his coat and closing the door behind him, Louis could hear Harry let out a muffled sob before he descended the stairs. Louis lay down, one of Harry's shirts had been stuffed  under his pillow, Louis pulled out slowly and lifted it to his face, breathing in Harry's scent curling up and letting the tears falling down his cheeks silently, the letter forgotten on the table.

He flash forward to what Harry had said _'I was bloody terrified we would go through the same thing as mum and dad did. I couldn't watch you slip away from me Lou'_ and _'I wanted to tell you all of this the next day but you were already gone.'_

"Oh god." Louis breathed the realization washing over him in a single Tsunami sized wave. "He thought I didn't want him and ...I thought he didn't want me." Louis dropped his head down on to the table. "I let him down."

Zayn put a hand on Louis shoulder. "You both messed up, you could have reached out and so could he."

Louis lifted his head running his hands through his hair. "What do I do Zayn?"

Zayn sighed. "Honestly if you want to have any sort of relationship with Harry - friendship or other- you're going to have to figure out a way to fix up the heart you let down." Zayn checked his watch and stood.

"I don't even know how to begin." Louis said staring at the wall. Maybe a wizard would appear and tell him the secret.

"You've both got broken hearts, lend him parts - they might fit." Zayn shrugged. "It's up to you mate." he clapped him on the shoulder and left, with shaking fingers Louis pulled out his phone.

_"I'm still in love with Harry."_

_"Took you long enough."_ Niall replied. Liam's followed seconds behind.

_"What are you gunna do? "_

_"Be careful Lou."_

Louis didn't know how long he sat there staring at his dark phone before a timid employee was telling him the cafe was closing. "Sorry, sorry, got lost in me head." he gave her a small smile.

"Happens to us all." she smiled tiredly bidding him goodnight. The cold, thick air bit through Louis' coat but he barely noticed as he walked, he had a vague destination in mind, the paper Zayn had handed him crumpled in his hand.

As he walked he remembered walking to the train station before the sun had risen, his mother's confusion and tears when he had come down stairs telling her he was going to visit his new school in way of a morning greeting, how he needed to go as early as possible, how he had evaded her eyes when she cupped his chin  questions resting on her lips a tear sliding down her face.  
"I'm so sorry baby, of course, lets get you a ticket." she'd hugged him a good ten minutes before she finally let go, zipping up his jacket and reminding him to call the moment he got there.

Louis had walked to the station, meeting the few early risers, nodding to him over their cups of coffee- coffee was caffeine that sounded really good, maybe he'd get a tea, Harry hated the bitter taste coffee left when he'd kiss him- Louis froze. Harry- Harry who'd left him, who thought almost four years of friendship and two years of dating weren't worth trying. _Fuck Harry_. Louis thought ordering a large black coffee, turning to the gates he saw a shocking blond head. 

"What are you doing here Niall?" Louis demanded, fixing the strap on the bag thrown over his shoulder.

Niall shook his head taking in Louis. "You're really doing this then?"

"I have to."

"Louis, you have to talk to him."

Louis rolled his eyes sipping his coffee. "We talked, that's how we ended up this way. He doesn't want to make the effort."

"You don't know that!" Niall said desperately.

"Don't I?" Louis snapped. "I'm probably just some experiment to him anyway, you know get the gay freak out out of the way early."

Niall paled. "You don't believe that, I know you don't." Louis raised his eyebrows but stayed silent. "He's leaving in two days Lou, two days and God knows how long it'll be before you see him again."

"What are you trying to say Niall, spit it out."

"Just say goodbye."

"No."

"Louis-"

"You don't get it Niall! I can't! I can't see him again. No he finished it, we're done."  
"You'll just let everything disappear? friendship? everything? I know you love him Lou-"

"Yeah." Louis snapped. "That's one sided innit?"

Niall pulled at his hair. "Louis  I-"

"I have to go." Louis said checking his ticket and Niall was hugging him. 

"Good luck I guess."

Louis stopped outside the address Zayn had given him, the thick air had turned into full out rain, Louis barely noticed the icy drops snaking under his collar as he stared at the door. Harry lived above the comic book shop Zayn worked at part time, Louis looked at the neatly printed sign saying _"ring for above"_ taped below a buzzer. Slowly Louis reached out and pressed the buzzer and took a breath wondering this was a good idea. A few moments passed before the light shown from the window above and the door flew open, revealing a tousled haired Harry, blinking in the darkness.

"Louis? What the hell- what are you - How do you know where I live?" his voice was rough with sleep.

"Zayn, um gave it to me." Louis said softly, his voice cracking from disuse.

Harry rubbed his eyes shaking his head. "What is it you want exactly? It being three in the morning."

"I needed to talk to you."

Harry sighed. " It can't wait a few hours?" Harry squinted . "Lou, you're soaking wet, how long have you been out in he rain?" The shortness gone from his voice.

Louis pushed back his hair. "I was walking." he muttered.

"And you didn't think you might want to get out of it when the rain started?" Harry took a step out hissing as his bare feet touched the cold wet ground. "Christ Louis, your lips are blue." he gripped Louis upper arm and pulled him inside closing out the the cold damp air. Harry shook his head, in the dim hallway Louis didn't see him reach out until a warm hand cupped his cheek. 

"Jesus you're like ice. Come on we have to get you warm."

Louis shook his head, his brain finally catching up and reminding him  how stupid this was. "No I should go, I'm sorry for bothering you." the grip on his arm returned.

"If you think I'm letting you go out there again, you're mad. Come on, I'm sure I have something for you to get you out of these wet things." Harry's hand slid down his arm, encircling his wrist and tugging him up the stairs behind him, it was such a tender movement it made Louis shiver. Harry pulled him along and into his flat shutting the door softly behind him he pulled Louis expertly through the dark room, Louis could make out a couch and a counter separating the kitchen. Harry turned on the light as they entered what could only be his bed room, mussed bed with dark sheets in the center, small closet, a dresser and desk lining one wall, pictures pinned floor to ceiling, on the other a small window, shrouded with a gauzy curtain overlooked an alley.

Harry dropped his hand and began rifling through a drawer. Louis stared at his back, the long line of his spine, his shoulders had gotten so broad. He wasn't the little boy Louis had known.  
"I let you down. Then." Louis said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Harry froze. "Yeah," he said not turning around. "Yeah, you did." he turned a shirt and sweatpants in hand. He wouldn't meet Louis eye as he handed over the clothes. "These should fit."

"Saying I'm sorry wouldn't mean anything would it?" Louis asked softly.

Harry looked up from the floor, meeting Louis eyes, all the drowsiness gone. "No, it wouldn't ."  he cleared his throat and stepped back. "I'll make you a tea, your lips are still blue."

Louis changed and dropped his wet clothes into the sink in the bathroom as he made his way back to the kitchen area, Harry stood at the counter over looking the rest of the flat two steaming cups of tea steeping in front of him, he pushed one towards Louis as he sat leaning his elbows on the counter studying his cup. Louis picked up his cup gratefully, wrapping his hands around the cup and sipping letting the hot liquid  burn his throat.    

"I think." Harry said softly. "What hurt the most was how fast you turned it off, like one minute you're telling me you love me and the next you're fine never hearing from me again."

Louis watched him. "I know." he whispered. "I didn't turn it off, I thought that's what you wanted, I convinced myself you didn't want - that it was just a phase, that  two years of a relationship meant nothing to you-" 

"Christ Lou, it meant everything to me. I was head over heels for you."

"I know that, I did know that I was just - I was so angry at myself for letting go, for falling so hard, for holding on too tight, angry at you because I thought it was nothing, that you wanted to be rid of me and that was your chance -"

Harry let out a bark of humorless laughter. "You know I thought the same thing? That you wanted rid of me because I was younger and so damned  insecure about everything  and your letting me go without a fight was your way of letting me down easily or something." 

Louis shook his head slowly. "You'd have thought one us would have had the flip side of thinking."

"Great minds think alike."

Harry's lips turned up. "But not in the greatest ways apparently." 

Louis rubbed his face. "We were so good, how did we fuck up so badly?"

Harry finally looked up at Louis. "We both thought we knew the other better than we did."

"We both wanted to be admirable, but instead we lost it all." Harry shook his head slowly looking away. Before he could think Louis was setting down his cup and leaning across the counter, laying a hand on top of Harry's, squeezing his fingers.

"I am sorry, for everything." Harry's gaze was burning Louis hand, before he looked up, Louis hadn't realized how close they were until that moment, he could see the few freckles on Harry's face,  the small amount of stubble that was sprouting, an easy well known movement  could bring them closer.

"I know." Harry said softly meeting Louis eyes, after a moment he seemed to notice their closeness and leaned back slightly. "It's late." he said glancing at the peach sky streaming through the window. "Or early." he frowned, his face scrunching up the same way it had when he was sixteen.

"Yeah, sorry for keeping you up, I should go." There was a hand on his.

"You don't have to." Harry said quietly. "You could, I mean if you want you could stay?"  

Louis scanned Harry's face, his expression was hard to read, partly hidden, partly ..something. "Only if you want me to."

Harry walked around the counter, pulling Louis out of the seat, not letting go of Louis hand pulling him towards the bedroom. "Bed's plenty big."

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's a little spoiler alert for downton abbey season four in there, you'll see when it comes up.  
> otherwise enjoy xx

Louis was being suffocated by hair. 

Somehow he and Harry had migrated from their assigned sides of the bed to meet in the middle, with a start Louis realized they were in their old position the only difference was Harry was much taller now, instead of being flush against Louis chest and tucked under his chin Louis found his face buried in the  curls at the nape of Harry's neck, his hand resting palm open on Harry's chest feeling the slow steady thrum of his heart.

He allowed himself a moment - Harry's hair still smelled of coconuts and boy, if he closed his eyes he was seventeen again everything was fine. He was  burying his burning face in Harry's neck as their mothers tackled them for a talk about "responsible sexual activity " after finding them in a compromising position one day, snuggled up together pretending they had a whole day to cuddle, whispering in the night so they didn't wake Louis sisters - slowly Louis extracted his hand and arm from under Harry's and slowly, so not to wake him rolled on to his back, he should go, he'd said what he needed to but...but there was still too much to be said, so he lay and watched the dust swirl in the muted sunlight that streamed through the curtains. 

Harry snuffled in his sleep, just he always had as he woke up, and rolled on to his stomach face in the pillow, before turning it  towards Louis and opening his eyes. He watched Louis for a moment, not moving, not blinking just watching before licking his lips. "What was last night?" he asked his voice rough and loud in the quiet room. 

Louis looked at him, watching as his eyes jumped around his face he took a deep breath and swallowed. "I don't know." he said honestly.

Harry nodded like that was the answer he expected, he sat up on his elbows  running both hands through his hair. "I fancy eggs, you?"

Louis was startled "Um.." Louis stomach at that moment decided to growl loudly, Harry's mouth quirked up.

"I'll take that as a yes?"

 

"Do you mind finishing that." Harry nodded towards the french press on the counter as he diced green pepper.  "If you know how, I mean."

Louis scoffed. "I lived in France for three and half years above a cafe, Mrs. Barbur would have cut off my hands if I didn't know."

Harry laughed, loud and warm. "When I was there it was espresso, "tiny cups full of tar" my mates said."

Louis smiled as he pushed down the plunger. "When were you in France?"

Harry stopped chopping and looked over at Louis. "About two years ago?  the magazine I was working with at the time sent me out to do a fashion show." he shrugged and went back to chopping. 

Louis sat across the counter watching as Harry cooked the eggs, a cup of coffee clutched in his hands. "Last night  was me trying to make up for the shitty best friend I was for five years."

Harry glanced over his shoulder. "When exactly are you going to drop the 'it's my fault' mindset?" he plated the eggs and perched himself on the stool next to Louis' .

"Sorry?"

Harry rolled his eyes and picked up his fork. "You're not the sole one to blame Lou, never have been. Believe me I had the same thought process."

Louis tasted his eggs - which were fantastic of course Harry had always had a knack for cooking-  "I blame me. If I had talked to you-"

"Lou I was perfectly capable of talking to you -"

"I was older I should have-"  
"Oh, please we both know I was more mature then you were-"

Louis put down his fork and held up his hands. "Are we honestly arguing about who's fault it was that we broke up?"

Harry smirked around his coffee cup. "Only took five years."

Louis shook his head. "Only us."

Harry rested his head on his fist, watching Louis. "I missed you." he said quietly, picking at his eggs.

"I missed you too."  Louis looked at him and  he looked away staring into his coffee. "What are we going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked around a mouth of egg. Louis shrugged and shook his head turning back to his eggs.

 

Harry was  cleaning their plates, his back to Louis humming under his breath, it was all so familiar, so much like home. 

"Do you still have feelings towards me?" Louis snapped his mouth shut, he didn't mean for it to be so blunt, biting his lip he  clutched his cup so tightly he thought  it might shatter.

Harry finished rising the plate and drying it before turning around. "You were my first love Louis, I'll always have feelings towards you." he leaned against the sink his arms crossed, he had put his hair up in a bun while he cooked and frazzled curls were escaping .

Louis squeezed his cup, "Not what I mean."

"What do you mean then?"

Louis joined him at the sink, rising his cup. "You know what I mean."

Harry shook his head. "What does it matter anyway? You made it plain there was no second chance with us."

Louis took a deep breath, this was the moment that would matter. This could take apart everything they'd just built up, this casual comfortableness they had, the friendship they had restarted   
"What if I asked _you_ for a second chance?"

Harry's eyes never left Louis face. "What do you mean exactly?" 

Louis looked away. "What if I asked you to give me - us- a second chance?"

"What if it doesn't work out? I can't go through that again Lou, neither of us can."

Louis ran his shaking hands through his hair. "I'm not saying jump back where we stopped, I'm saying ... We're different people now, we could give _now_ us a shot?"

"Why though? Why do you want to?" Harry had uncrossed his arms and was playing with one of his rings.

Louis let out a chuckle. "I bloody miss you, more than I thought I could and seeing you and being around you- it's not the same, we're so careful around one another- and I just miss you so much and I can't sort out my feelings about you because I can't touch you."

"I know." Harry whispered his eyes darting around Louis face taking in every flicker. "What's the worst case scenario?"

Louis shook his head slowly. "One of us feels nothing."

"It has to be all in." Harry said softly. "I mean talking, honesty, the lot, no scaring away."

Louis nodded, finally looking up - fuck he was tall- at Harry and meeting his eyes, they were hidden and scared. Louis reached out a tentative hand and squeezed his bicep. "All in."

*

Louis should have known what to expect when he spotted Liam and Niall hunched together as he made his way to the their claimed table balancing a beer. When they saw him the jumped apart and folded their hands on the table.

"Well?" Liam demanded .

" 'Well' what ?" Louis asked picking up the menu.  Liam pulled it down and Louis rolled his eyes.

"Did you tell Harry?"

"In so many words." 

Niall scoffed. "And?" he prompted.

"And nothing, we talked." Louis shrugged, not pausing to think whether to tell them they spent all of Sunday in Harry's flat talking let alone the fact they shared a bed. That was need to know information and they didn't need it.

"That's it?" Liam sat back looking crestfallen.

Louis frowned at him. "Yeah and we had wild crazy sex. You know simple stuff." Niall let out a cackle while Liam looked disapproving. "What answer do you want?" Louis laughed.

Liam rolled his eyes, leaning forward again. "Are you and Harry back together or not."

"We talked and  figured things out that's all."  Louis said setting his cup down a little too hard.

"Does he feel the same about you as you do him?" Niall asked timidly.

Louis rolled his eyes, his mothers voice at the back of his mind 'your eye'll come loose your not careful'. "Why don't you ask Harry?"

"Ask me what?" Harry appeared, dropping into the seat next to Louis and pulling a protesting Zayn onto his lap.

"About our love lives." Louis said mildly. "I'm starving, I'm getting a burger." he added to the table at large.

"Isn't that what friends are for though?" Harry stole a sip from Niall's beer, crinkling his nose at the temperature.

"True, you go on and tell them intimate   details of our sexcapades from last weekend." Their banter came naturally, Harry had always be quick on his feet when it came to Louis sharp tongue, he  glanced at Harry and relaxed at his warm smile.

Harry hummed. "Pleasure, should I go into detail of where the eatable paint went?" 

"Alright. I get it you don't want to share. I'll back off." Liam presided  while Niall cackled .

At the bar Liam came up behind Louis as he waited for his burger ,  
“It’s not that I don’t want to talk.” He promised ”There’s just nothing to talk about .”  
Liam laughed as his beer was refilled. “I get it Lou, but sexcapades? Really?”  
Louis winked “I haven’t yet broken the proper gentleman in you .”  
Liam ruffled his hair and they walked back to the table, Zayn had found a chair and was wedged Harry and Niall deep in conversation, Harry glanced up at him as he sat carefully balancing his plate and beer, before Louis could smack away his hand he stole a chip and shoved it in his mouth giving him a Cheshire cat grin and turning to ask Liam how his week was.   
Without thinking Louis reached out and snapped the hair band on his wrist in retaliation before turning to his food, Harry’s knee knocked against Louis under the table as his grin widened .

  
They were three beers and a discussion about American football in when a voice shouted behind them.   
” I’d know that slouch anywhere, Harry Styles why did I not know you were in town?! This is an outrage!”   
Harry’s face bloomed into a dazzling smile eyes twinkling and dimples on display as he twisted around in his chair.  
“Cara. ” he said warmly standing and give the thin blonde a hug. Louis did not feel a twinge in his gut as they talked in low voices his knuckles did not turn white as the woman ran her fingers through the curls around his face.   
“Alright? ” Niall asked hiding a smirk behind the rim of his glass.  
“Shove off.” Louis grumbled as Harry let out a cackle.  
“These are my mates.” Harry was now standing behind Louis, he pointed at each of them reciting their names .”And this is Louis.” Harry’s hand came to rest on Louis shoulder, thumb brushing the back of his neck.  
“Oooh he is as fit as you said. ” she said with a wink at Louis “Well it was nice meeting all of you, don’t be a stranger Harry give me a ring I’ll get you in any party to want .” She kissed Harry’s cheek and wave at the table before turning on her heel and disappearing into the bar.  
Harry took his seat back , a dull flush crawling up his, neck. Niall, Liam and Zayn fell back into conversation while Louis frowned at the table.

"Alright?" Harry asked softly, bumping their knees together again. Louis looked up, avoiding Harry's eyes and sipped his beer.

"I know her, I just can't pin point from where."

Harry hummed. "She runs with a up crowd, I don't think you rub shoulders with any of them." Louis raised an eyebrow. Harry chuckled. "Not that I do, she's a mate, I met her when I shot a fashion show here before I moved back, I did a shoot with her a few months ago actually."

Louis punched his shoulder " _That's_ where she's from, I was at that show, I just used her picture in an article too."

"Wait. " Harry said sitting down his drink and turning in his chair to completely face Louis. "You were at that show?  Why didn't we run into one another? "

"I don't know." Louis said honestly. "I was all over the place collecting statements and doing interviews."  Harry smiled softly at him. "Must not have been the right time." Louis added softly .

Harry's smile broadened. "Must not have been, funny how things work out though." his knees touched against Louis' again before Niall engaged him in a conversation .

A little later Harry finished his drink and stood, stretching. "Well I'm off ."

"Lightweight." Niall smirked.

Harry smiled dropping a nut into his glass. "I have a shoot tomorrow, with a three hour drive."

"What kind of shoot?" Liam asked.

"A wedding, why you would get married so early is beyond me." he slipped his coat on and waved to the table. "See you," he glanced at Louis. "Soon." he added with a tilt of the lips.

 "What time are you done?" Louis asked trying to sound off hand.

Harry frowned. "Three-ish, Why?"

aware of the eyes on him Louis shrugged. "Just curious."

"Alright." Harry laughed waving at the table again.

Both Liam and Niall turned to Louis. "I will throw this at you." Louis threatened holding up his glass.

"We just want you happy." Liam murmured.

*

The comic shop was better than Louis anticipated as in he spent more money then he should have, as in three bags of comic books and maybe an action figure of Iron Man or model bat-mobile. Zayn was ringing him up when the bell above the door chimed.

"What the hell happened to you?" Zayn said, hands frozen over the bags staring at a spot behind Louis.

Harry was covered head to toe in a rainbow of paint, his white button up splattered with royal blue, red and neon green, hot pink was splashed across his neck and dipped below the collar, yellow, purple and white  on his pants and boots and his escaped curls were coated in a bright orange.

"The wedding was these artists? and apparently part of their ceremony was to throw paint on each other and the wedding party -"

"And you didn't know and were hit?" Louis suggested amused as he tugged on a sticky curl.

Harry smiled at him. "Something like that. It was pretty though, with all the colors."

"You know how to pick 'em Haz." Zayn said finishing up, he disappeared into the back to wrap up Iron Man, leaving Louis and Harry alone.

"So why are you here?" Harry asked, leaning against the counter body long and lathe.

Louis fidgeted. "Well I was going to see if you wanted to get a late lunch-"  

"Lou, I know I said -"

"Not a proper date." Louis corrected. "Just, I feel like..I feel like .. I dunno I miss just hanging out ..I miss knowing you Hazza." the pet name slipped out before he could stop it.

"Nobody calls me that but you." Harry mumbled he rubbed a hand across his face. "It's going to take forever to get all this paint off." he started.

Louis nodded. "Of course, it was just a free -"

"But." Harry cut him off. "There's this really good Chinese takeaway around the corner, we could like, watch a film and talk?" 

Louis smile bloomed at the sight of Harry's grin. "Sounds good." 

Zayn came back carrying a small bag and handed it over to Louis. "Did you buy all this?" Harry asked taking in the bags

"Um, maybe."

Harry shook his head. "I'll leave the door unlocked. " he said backing out of the store.

Zayn raised his eyebrows. "Not a word." Louis hissed. Zayn smiled locking his mouth and throwing away the key.

 

" I wasn't sure what you wanted so I got your old favorite?" Louis called frowning at the boxes on the counter. Harry came down the hall towel over his head drying his hair, before tossing the towel aside and shaking his head like a dog, there was still a spot of blue by his ear.

"That's brilliant thanks, still my favorite by the way." he hip checked Louis with a smile stealing a pea pod. "What do you want to drink?  I've got beer, wine- is that  port? hm- and about eight juices."

"Beer's fine."

They carried everything the short distance to the sitting room, they sat next to each other only a small amount of space between them, it was comfortable, familiar.

"So what are we watching?" Louis asked tucking his feet under himself.

Harry stayed silence as the dvd booted up.

"Really?" Louis asked as the sure notes of the Downton Abbey opening began playing. Harry blushed and played with his chopsticks.

"I'm behind." he explained. "I can change it if you want."

Louis rolled his eyes stealing a bit of chicken from Harry's box of rice. "It's fine, really." Harry was watching him with a smile, amusement written on his face,  after a moment he bit his lip and turned away. "Where are you?''

"Well," Harry said pulling his legs up criss cross and tucking his beer in his lap. "Sybil just  got to Downton from Ireland."

"Oooh." Louis groaned making a face. Harry's head whipped around to look at him.

"What's the face?"

"Nothing, You'll see." Louis said quickly. Harry narrowed his eyes at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"Louis..."

" You'll see, I'm not giving it away."

"Louis Tomlinson." Harry was glaring at him a slight upturn to his lips, his hair drying in soft curls around his face.

"It's starting." Louis nodded at the television with a smirk.

*

As Louis returned from the bathroom Harry hung his head over the back of the couch. "I hate you." Louis glance at the television in time to see Tom standing in the window cradling his new born baby before the end credits played.

"Sorry, love." he squeezed Harry's knee as he dropped back on  to the couch, Harry's leg jumped and he  looked down at his hand. Louis moved it quickly with a mumbled sorry.

Harry smiled at him, scooting closer. "You could have warned me." he poked Louis cheek with a pout. Together they took the dishes back to the kitchen.

"Well I guess I should warn you about Matthew .." Louis mused handing the dishes to Harry as he loaded the dishwasher.

"What about Matthew?" Harry demanded shutting the dishwasher.

"It's late," Louis said slipping on his shoes with a laugh. "I should go."

"Louis _William_ Tomlinson."

"Do you really want to know?" Louis asked slipping on his coat. Harry walked up to him, rolling his bottom lip between his fingers, he looked soft and cuddly, in his worn sleep pants and thread bare hard rock cafe shirt bare feet padding across the floor.

"Not really I guess." he sighed, fixing the collar on Louis coat absentmindedly, they were far too close again. "This was fun." Harry smiled.

"We should do it again soon." Louis whispered looking up at Harry as he nodded. 

"Soon." He opened the door for Louis. "Hey Lou?" he called Louis looked up from the bottom of the stairs. "Good date." 

Louis saw a flash of his grin before he closed the door.

*

 Two weeks later Louis sat at his desk tapping the edge of his phone on the surface. "For gods sake Louis will you stop that? Some of us are trying to work." Niall hissed.

"Sorry." Louis muttered, he hadn't realized how hard he'd been tapping, with a sigh he unlocked his phone and pulled up his and Harry's conversation. They had had lunch every day few days the past two weeks they were comfortable but suspended on the path they were walking.

_"You busy tonight?"_ Louis settled on erasing and rewriting the question several times.

_"Noooooooo, why?"_ Harry responded a few moments later.

_"Got a recipe I need to try out before I make it for mum."_

_" & you want to poison me first I see...."_

_"You're hilarious. Truly."_ Louis shook his head smiling at his phone.

_"Kidding :P what time and I need  your address, it's a date ."_

*

Louis wasn't nervous. Harry was going to be there in less than five minutes but he wasn't nervous. He checked the chicken and then his hair, flicking it out of his face begging it to lay flat where it had started to curl from the heat, he was still in his work clothes the dark cloth covering the spot where the milk slipped, who knew cooking was so hard? Before  he could decide whether to change there was a knock at his door, straightening  the sleeves on his button up and running his fingers through his hair one more time he opened revealing a smiling Harry, clad in skinnies, an awful leopard print t shirt and a thick fleece glittery  coat .

"That shirt is horrendous I hope you know." Louis said in way of a greeting, holding open the door. Harry pouted.

"I like it." he said shrugging out of his coat handing Louis the paper bag he carried. " I brought wine- you mentioned chicken? I brought white- figured if your were going to kill me might as well go with a good wine." Harry smirked.

"You're a dick, but thanks."

"So what did you make?" Harry asked following Louis into the kitchen, socked feet shuffling on the wood floors. 

"Chicken wrapped in param ham with homemade mash on the side." Louis shrugged. Harry hummed in delight.

"So why exactly are you making your mum a meal?"  Harry asked hopping onto the chair propping his chin up on his fist.

"Hmm? Oh, erm, it's her birthday." Louis said with only a slight pause.

"Wrong. " Harry chirped. "That was two months ago."

 "I meant the girls." Louis supplied quickly, pouring out wine.

"Really? Because the nearest one is four months away." 

"Fine, It's for _your_ mum." Louis snapped passed him a glass of wine eyebrow raised. Harry laughed.

"What's the real reason?" Harry asked softly, sipping his wine. Louis sighed.

"I wanted to cook for you. There, happy now? I bared my soul."

Harry flushed, ducking his head. "You didn't have to make up an excuse, I would have come if you'd asked."

Louis sighed, leaning heavily on the counter. "I don't want to scare you off." he said honestly meeting Harry's eyes. "Don't want to fuck this up."

Harry leaned forward and captured Louis hand. "You're not going to. _We're_ not going to, not this time." Harry's eyes were soft and determined as he gave Louis a private smile. They stayed that way until the timer went off.

 

"Be honest now." Louis said as he rinsed the dishes , Harry sat on the counter beside him glass of wine in hand as he kicked his legs back and forth, cheeks flushed from a bottle and a half of wine between them.

"Good." Harry promised. "Chicken was a little dry but other than that."

"Not bad for the first meal I've cooked for you in years?" Louis dried his hands off and stepped into the V of Harry's legs, resting his hands on his knees.

Harry beamed, setting his wine glass down, placing his own hands atop Louis. "Not bad at all." 

Louis thumb rubbed at the inseam of Harry's jeans as he watched  him, the slow path of his eyes as he charted Louis face, the wine stained red of his lips.

"Crap." Harry said suddenly. Louis snapped to attention. "It's late." Harry explained. "I should go." Louis hadn't even noticed it had neared ten thirty.

"Yeah." Louis cleared his throat taking a step back for Harry to jump down a hand tight on his bicep as he slipped on the tile. He followed Harry to the door and leaned against the wall as he slipped into his boots and coat. 

"This was really great, Lou." Harry said finally straightening up and stepping closer.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, one of the better dates I've ever had." Louis let out a chuckle and Harry was wrapping him in a hug, tucking his face into his neck breathing softly on the skin arms secured around his waist. Then he was at the door wishing Louis a good night promising to text when he got home safely. Louis leaned his forehead against the door, closing his eyes willing his head to stop spinning and his heart to restart.

As he turned away a frantic knocking came from the door, cautiously Louis opened it, to a frazzled haired Harry breathing heavily.

"You alright?" Louis asked stepping out into the hall with him.

Harry looked at him. "Short answer? No." Louis frowned at him. Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed a handful of Louis shirt, reeling him in so they were toe to toe. "Fucking hell." he murmured leaning his forehead against Louis who's breathe caught his heart racing. "I can't stop thinking about kissing you." he muttered closing his eyes.

"Harry." Louis whispered breathlessly before closing the gap between them, fitting their lips together, Harry's hands loosened on his shirt and Louis tightened on his Harry's hips. It was like coming home, Harry's lips were as soft and plump as they had been, his hands hot through his shirt on his chest one hand flattened over his heart the other creeping towards the back of his neck, Louis questioned the deepness of the kiss when a voice behind them cleared their throat. They broke apart , blushing furiously and breath coming in gasps. 

"Sorry dears, just need to get past." Louis elderly neighbor shuffled past them quickly.

"Sorry Mrs. Cabery." Louis mumbled, straightening his shirt and not quiet making eye contact while Harry gave a soft "Hiiiiii"

She turned at the door. "Oh don't stop on my account, please continue on." she winked closing the door.

Harry let out a snort as Louis let his head drop onto his shoulder with a groan, hands immediately  going to Louis waist. "She seemed nice." 

Louis bit his shoulder lightly before smiling up at him. "Can I stay?" Harry whispered to Louis temple.

"Is that a good idea?" Louis asked already walking backwards back into his flat hands on Harry's forearms.

"If it means I get to kiss you a while longer than it's the best idea in the world." Harry grinned lacing their fingers together Louis smiled and pulled in him for another kiss, kicking the door shut.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't the end, idk how many chapters it'll be but we're not done yet :)


	5. Chapter 5

"Morning mum." Louis greeted as he  buttered his toast, he heard the shower turn off and willed Harry not to shout.

"Good morning darling, how are you?" Louis mother's tinny voice echoed in the quiet room.  Harry padded out silently toweling his hair clad only in his boxers, he raised his eyebrows at the phone laying on the counter.

"I'm good mum, how are you? The girls?" Louis raised a finger to his lips, Harry made a face and stole Louis toast.

  "They're good, off at school the twins are asleep and I'm missing my first born."

Louis sighed, "Mum I told you, I miss you too I'll come up when I have time, no need to guilt me."

"I'm not trying to guilt you." she said not sounding at all convincing. Harry came up behind Louis and wrapped his arm around his waist as he fixed his tea, pressing a kiss to Louis temple.

"Right mum." Louis agreed his voice only a little strangled.

"Oh did I tell you who I ran into the other day?" she pressed on without waiting for an answer. "Harry's mum!"

"Oh really? That's nice." Louis said distractedly, Harry had heaved himself up on to the counter still only clad in his tiny pink boxers, ( because of course) leaving miles of pale milky leg on display, butterfly tattoo jumping as he blew on his tea.

   "She told me Harry was back in town and that you'd run into each other."

Harry smirked behind his teacup while Louis stuttered. "Yeah we did."

"And? How is he? Did you two talk? " she pressed, Harry watched Louis intently, brow furrowed.

"He's..well." Louis said lamely. "We talked, yeah he's doing well."

"That's good," Harry slipped off the counter invading Louis questioning hand "You two were the best of friends-"

"Yeah, mum, sorry I got to go, I'll Facetime with you and the girls tomorrow? Love you." Louis hung up after her goodbyes. Harry was perched on the back of his couch.

"I'm well?" Harry mimicked. 

  "Harry  you know she  -"

"No I know, I haven't told mum either, it's just.. never mind it's stupid." Harry made to stand but Louis caught him, entwining their hands.

"What happened to 'honesty, talking, the lot'?"  he asked gently.

Harry took a breath. "We've been doing this." he swung their hands between them. "For two and a half months...and it's just, what are we doing?" 

"I don't know." Louis breathed looking at the floor.

  "I feel like we're stuck, too scared to go forward and I don't want to go back."

"It's not wrong is it?" Louis nudged Harry's cheek with his nose.

 "I just .. I don't know if what I want is what you want."

"Why don't we say something we want and see what we come up with?" Louis pressing his lips to Harry's hand.

Harry's mouth turned up. "Okay," he pressed his lips to the corner of Louis mouth.  "I want a toothbrush at yours."

Louis frowned. "That's what you come up with? Honestly Harold." Harry laughed pulling Louis closer. "You're turn." he whispered

 "Alright, I  want...a drawer here."

Harry pouted. " But I like you wearing my clothes."

"I like wearing your clothes, its the sentiment, I want you to have one at mine, if you want."

"Definitely want." Harry grinned, dimples popping out. " I want to kiss you in front of everyone." Harry pulled him to stand between his legs back to chest and rested his head on Louis shoulder. 

"You do that already." Louis laughed, pointing out the chaste kisses they shared every time the parted.

"I mean." Harry said pressing his lips to the exposed skin on Louis shoulder. "Everyone who matters, the lads, our families."

" I want that too." Louis murmured. "I want to tell my mum about this." he said softly, terrified it was a step too high.

Harry bit down lightly on Louis shoulder before letting him turn around, his eyes sparkling. "I want to give this a title." he grinned.

Louis hummed, sliding his hands behind Harry's neck and lacing them in his curls. "But what title?"

  "Friends with benefits featuring feelings."

Louis snorted. "Snogging buddies."

  "Tongue personal trainer."

"That's disgusting." Louis scolded tugging on his hair lightly.

"Exclusive." Harry said all joking gone from his voice.

"Dating?" Louis suggested, Harry linked their hands again and kissed Louis.

"Boyfriend?" he whispered against his lips, Louis squeezed his hands.

"Boyfriend." Louis agreed pulling Harry back in, smiling into the kiss.

"Sure about this?" Harry asked, biting his lip. "I mean, it doesn't have to-" Louis put a hand over his mouth.

"I want it if you do." Louis could feel Harry's smile stretching under  his hand, he removed it and Harry kissed the corner of his mouth.

"You're going to be late for work." he whispered.

"Bugger it." Louis groaned as Harry tugged him back to the bedroom.

"You can borrow anything." Harry said digging through a laundry basket.

Louis flopped down on the bed. " What if I just wear my stuff again?" Louis asked cheekily.

Harry rolled his eyes zipping his jeans. "Like Liam would let you live that down."

Louis groaned and got to his feet, poking around in Harry's closet. "Honestly the things I put up with."

"That's what boyfriends are for." Harry wrapped his arms around Louis waist and licked his cheek.

"Such an animal." Louis scolded. "Can I borrow this?" he asked fingering a gray sweater.

"Yeah 'course." Harry nodded, pulling it off the hanger and tugging it over Louis head, smoothing it down, his fingers gently tickling Louis's sides. Louis stood up to meet him in a kiss.

*

Louis was the second to arrive at the bar, he clearly recognized  the back at a table for five towards the back of the crowded room. Harry was intent on his phone ear buds in, Louis gently rubbed the back of his neck before slipping into the chair next to him. 

"Fuck me." Harry jumped tugging out the ear buds. "Trying to kill me?"

Louis cackled. "Did I really beat everyone here?" he asked slipping his hand into Harry's.

Harry laced their fingers. "Zayn had to do stock so he might not make it and Niall's stuck in traffic." he waved his phone.

  "Liam's got a deadline so...it's the two of us?"

"I guess so." Harry smiled. Louis snorted and leaned over to kiss him, cupping the back of his neck, Harry hummed and deepened the kiss, pulling away and biting Louis bottom lip lightly.

  "There use to be a time when I couldn't walk into a room without finding you two eye fucking or snogging ."

 They sprung apart, Niall was scowling at them, hands on his hips. Louis heart leapt to his throat Niall had always been supportive when they were together and he'd stood by them both while they were apart Louis couldn't imagine him being against them dating again. He sat down across from Louis folding his hands on the table back straight.

"Do you two have good intentions for each other?" he asked eyeing them sharply.

Harry exchanged a glance with Louis. "Um, yes?"

Niall managed a minute before cracking a smile. "Alright that's settled then." he reclined in his chair grinning at them.

"Alright?" Louis asked confused. Niall rolled his eyes.

  "You honestly though we did know about you two?"

"No?" Harry frowned.

Niall tisked and stood. "You're the most obvious and the most  _oblivious_  people in the world I swear to God."

*

Liam got there a few minutes before Zayn who smiled sheepishly when Niall pulled him into the seat and thrust a drink in his hand. "We're celebrating." he told Zayn. "Celebrating these two knobs getting together for like real." he nodded seriously and turned to talk to Liam.

Zayn shared a secret smile with Louis. "Well done then." he said when Harry left to find the restroom. 

"You got my head out of my arse." Louis said raising his glass in a toast. Zayn shook his head.

"I just knocked sense into you." he laughed.

"Impossible." Harry stated plopping back into his seat. "Nobody can knock sense into him." Louis stuck out his tongue at him as Harry leaned in  a waitress put a drink down in front of him.

"Oh, not mine." he said handing it back. She shook her head.

"Guy over there ordered it for you." She winked. Louis glanced at Harry, who had leaned back in his seat studying his glass.

"Tell him I'm flattered, really, but I'm with someone and I couldn't lead him on." The waitress smiled and took back the drink.  Out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry bite down on his smile, linking their hands under the table.

 

"I hate all of you, goodnight love you." Niall called out the window of the cab as it drove away.

"And then there were three." Louis said, Harry had his arm around his shoulders, the heat from his body nipping away the cold that had set into Louis bones as the stepped out of the bar, his head pleasantly swimming.

"Two." Liam corrected with a smile and a one armed hug as another cab pulled up. "Behave, I'll see you on Monday Lou."  

"Have fun with your family, tell your mum hi!" Louis called as Liam closed the door. Louis wrapped an arm around Harry's waist as they walked slowly.

  "You want to come back to mine again?" 

"Is that a good idea?" Louis asked tipping his chin to look at him, Harry's eyes were glazed and cheeks flushed but not from cold.

"Isn't it?" Harry raised his eyebrows as they waited on the outskirts of a group  for the crossing sign to change, he ducked down and pressed his nose along Louis jaw. "I want you."

Louis breathed out sharply against Harry's neck. "You can't just say stuff like that."

"Why not?" Harry asked cheekily as they crossed the street.

  "Because it makes me want to ravage you and my coming back to yours a very bad idea."

"I see nothing wrong with that." Harry said taking his arm away from Louis to unlock his door. Louis rolled his eyes and stepped over the threshold, leaning on the banister while Harry locked the door. 

"Harry." Louis sighed slipping his hands under Harry's shirt resting on his hips when he crowded him. "Not when we're drunk."

"That's the best time." Harry laughed against his neck pressing a soft kiss before pulling Louis up the stairs. "Let's go to bed." he murmured against Louis lips, pulling his coat off his shoulders and hanging it up. "To sleep." he added seeing Louis raised eyebrows, he laughed and kicked his shoes off.

*

Louis could feels eyes on him, dragging him from his sleep, or maybe it was the soft hand drawing patterns on his back. He sighed, sinking back into sleep. "Creep." he muttered, rolling over eyes still shut tight as he tucked his face into Harry's neck still marveling how he fit against Harry instead of the other way around.

"Never said I wasn't. " Harry teased, Louis could hear the smile in his voice.

"Time is it?" Louis groaned stretching and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Nearly nine." Harry said sitting up and reaching over to the nightstand for something. "You have anywhere to be today?" he held out a cup to Louis.

"No." Louis said taking the cup and sipping. Tea, perfectly made. "Nowhere, been up long?" he asked wrapping his hands around the cup and leaning against Harry.

"Not really." Harry yawned, "Been thinking."

"That's not good." Harry brushed Louis fringe away from his eyes with a chuckle." Thinking about what?"

Harry sighed. "Last night, when you rejected me."

Louis turned around to find Harry smiling. "It wasn't a rejection Hazza, it was a 'I want to make it good and I want to remember it'." 

"Oh no performance anxiety now, great thanks." Harry laughed.

"We also need to talk."  Louis said tilting his head and drinking deeply, it was too early for this, to be honest.

"I'm clean." Harry dropped. "I've got the papers here if that's what -"

"Harry." Louis started, he put his cup on the floor and wrapped an arm around Harry, kissing his cheek. "That's what I meant but you don't have to go about it that way."

"I'm clean." Harry continued. "I just got the tests back, that's why I was putting out." he mumbled the last bit.

"I believe you, I do, I just don't want you to think that's the most important thing to me - it is important, beyond important- but I want to ..find out what I'm up against." he tried to joke, ignoring  Harry's muttered. "It's not even close ." even though it gave his ego a boost.

 "We haven't talked about who we were with over the years." he trailed off lamely.

Harry sighed, turning on to his stomach propping his chin up on his fist. "Alright, tell me your promiscuous past."

"Well if you're sure." Louis hid his smirk behind the rim of his cup. "It's quite a tale." Harry's jaw tightened as he nodded. Louis nudged him with his knee. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I just thought-"

"No, it's fine, I want to know, I just ...I hate the thought of you with anyone else that's all." Harry reassured. Louis laced their fingers together and kissed his forehead, moving to mimic his pose. 

"Did you, I mean was it ever, did you have anything serious?" Harry bit his lip.

Louis sighed. "Once, this guy I was with my first year of uni he was pretty and sweet ...I thought it was something, we practically  lived together for months, finally I told him how I felt and he turned around told me we were done."

"That's awful." Harry admonished pressing his lips to Louis knuckles.

Louis shrugged, it had been awful when it happened but he'd found out what a good sturdy friend Liam was instead of just a roommate, coincidentally it was the first time Louis had talked about Harry in over two years and when Liam had learned Louis was an emotional drunk. "What about you?"

Harry played with a loose string on the sheet. "You know I'd never been with anyone but you? Like I didn't know what a relationship was, how you built it and came to what we had- we have- naturally. This guy he sort of used me I guess?"

"He what?" Louis snapped, rage already building in the pit of his stomach.

"No Lou, God, not like that." Harry soothed. "He used me to figure himself out, he was a football played and closeted, it was all tender gestures unless we were out. I remember one time mum happened to be where we were hanging out and she overheard him telling me not to act so gay; She just tore into him right there and forbade me from ever seeing him again."

"How long?" Louis asked numbly.

"Maybe two months? I just didn't realize how fucked up the situation was." Harry shrugged. "We met up not long before I moved back, he apologized for being a dickhead."

"I'm sorry." Louis murmured pressing a kiss to Harry's shoulder.

"So am I." Harry whispered catching Louis lips in a kiss and proceeding to roll them over so Louis was  caught beneath  him. "Stay here all day." he whispered running his hands down Louis sides making him shiver.

  "You have to be more specific, Harold. The country? The city? The flat-"

"The bed." Harry giggled. "Stay in bed with me all day."

"Bit presumptuous innit?" Louis asked arching an eyebrow.   _God he 's beautiful_ Harry thought, the sun filtering though the curtains making everything glow, painting a soft golden hew on his tanned skin, making his eyes even bluer. Louis took advantage of his loss and flipped them over, straddling Harry.

"Christ you're tall." Louis grumbled, leaning down and attaching his lips to the patch of skin where the edge of Harry's jaw met, making him let out a low sound. 

Harry had always loved being marked when they were younger ( and Louis had loved giving them to him) and recent experimentation had proven that it was still true. Harry had blushed furiously when Niall had pointed out a purple mark  low on his chest one day.

"Lou." Harry muttered, hands sliding down his back and under his shirt, rucking it up. "Off, please off."

Louis stopped kissing down his jaw long enough to sit up and pull the shirt over his head, urging Harry to do the same, they laughed as their teeth knocked together when their lips met again hurriedly. Harry's arms wrapped around Louis waist holding him close and leaning him backwards and nestling between his thighs, propped up on his elbows as they kissed languidly Louis hands tracing nonsense patterns on Harry's back, sliding lower and lower to palm his ass, urging him to move his hips against him..

"Does last nights propitiation still stand?" Louis asked snapping the waistband of Harry's boxers, a smirk playing on his lips.

Harry grinned down at him. "Definitely."  he dipped down for another kiss as Louis ran his hands feather light up his spine and tangled in his hair.

"Love your hair like this." Louis muttered as Harry sucked marks down his throat and onto his collarbones. Harry hummed as he moved down to thumb over Louis nipples smiling in satisfaction as Louis breath caught. "Not fair." he complained, back arching slightly when Harry leaned down nipping them lightly in turn.

"Who said anything about playing fair?" Harry quipped leaning back up to kiss him .

"Twat." Louis laughed fondly before gripping his hips and rolling them over again, landing on Harry's chest with a quirking eyebrow. "How do we go about this?" he asked eyes dark, running his hands up and down Harry's chest, tweaking his nipples and tracing over the 17BLACK and butterfly tattoos with soft fingers.

"Want you." Harry said unabashedly.

"I've gotten that love." he wriggled his hips in point. "But what way, hmm?" he ran a hand through his hair and down his body to palm himself though his boxers. "You want me to ride you maybe?" he started a slow grinding  rhythm with his hips. "Or I get you on your hands and knees, draped over your back? You used to love that didn't you?"

"Lou." Harry whined gripping his hips, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe with Louis moving above him. "Want you, wanna feel you."

"That isn't an answer, love." Louis almost purred leaning down to kiss him again. "You know what I want to do?" Harry nodded vigorously.

 "I want to take you apart bit by bit first with my fingers and then deep and slow with my cock until it nearly drives you mad with need."

"Yes," Harry rasped. "Yes, please yes, god Lou." Harry squeezed his ass, pulling his as close as he could rucking his hips up into Louis'.

Louis grinned. "Yeah?" he murmured pulling back to look over Harry's face. "You sure? We don't have to do anything serious, I'll blow you."

"How many times do I need to say yes? I'll beg if I need to." Louis eyebrows shot up at the idea. "But I will tie you down and have my way if you don't do something in the next few minutes."   

Louis laughed then, high and clear and bright, eyes crinkled as he laced their fingers together. "Okay." he murmured "Okay, do you have stuff?"

Harry nodded and Louis rolled off shedding his boxers and tossing them to the floor. "Stuff, darling." Louis reminded from where Harry had frozen eyes lost on Louis golden body hungrily, he shook his head and tripped to the bathroom digging around in a drawer to produce a bottle of lube and a condom, he returned to Louis stretched out on the bed, stroking himself leisurely. "Get in then." he smiled opening his arms. Harry crawled up his body dropping kisses as he went ending on Louis lips. "Hi." he whispered.

"Hi." Harry breathed back. nuzzling into his neck.

"Ready?" Louis asked, tangling his fingers into Harry's hair. Harry hummed and flopped down next to Louis. "Let me know if you want to stop and we will." Louis murmured settling between Harry's knees, rubbing his thighs lightly biting his lip and not making eye contact.

"Lou, I miss you. I've missed you all this time and I've never wanted anyone as much I want you, time hasn't changed that, okay?" Harry sat up and cupped his cheek, running his thumb over his cheekbone. "And it's impossible for you to be bad, yeah?"

Louis smiled softly. "What makes you think I'm worried about that? " he said with all the indigence he could muster. Harry ran his thumb over his bottom lip.

"I know you." he murmured kissing him gently laying back again.

"I'll have you know I've never doubt my ability in the sack, Harold." Louis continued pulling down Harry's boxers and tossing them over the edge of the bed. Thunder rumbled above and the pidder padder of falling rain filled the room.

"Right." Harry said laughter in his throat.

"I recent your tone." Louis pinched his knee leaning down to suck a mark on his pale thigh.

"I didn't say anything." Harry gasped as Louis pulled away a neat purple mark blooming.

"Yeah yeah yeah, all talk no bite." Louis quipped, drizzling lube over his fingers. "Ready?" he asked again crawl up and stealing a kiss.

Harry nodded shakily bending his knees."Yeah." 

"Hey," Louis caressed his hair with his clean hand, propped up on his elbows. "We can stop."

"No." Harry said rolling his eyes. "It's just been a while since it meant anything."

" _Harry_." Louis said softly kissing him again resting their foreheads together, stealing Harry's breath as he slipped one finger in.

It came back in a rush, waiting for an empty house, locking Harry's bed room door just in case, teasing each other for hours, taking their time, pushing Harry over the edge for the first time, watching him languid and  horse whispers taking him over the edge shuttering in each others arms as they came down from the high, whispered questions and reassurements, tender hands caressing. The warm feeling curling in his belly as he realized just how much he loved the boy snoring softly in his arms.

"Yes." Harry gasped as Louis crooked three fingers inside him. "Lou, please in me, please, I'm ready."

"Alright." Louis nodded, "Alright love." he reached for the condom and Harry's hand covered his.

"Do we have to?" he asked breathlessly, eyes dark, a blush crawling up his chest. "Do we have to use one?"

"Harry." Louis choked "It- it's  messy." he floundered.

"I wanna be." Harry whispered roughly. "I've never...never done it. But you're clean and I'm clean and I want you to."

Louis nodded."Are you sure? " Harry jerked him in for a kiss one hand on the back of his neck the other hand messily lubing him up. "Okay, okay." Louis muttered lining himself up, Harry had his head back, eyes closed chest heaving. "Let me see you." Louis muttered inching in.

Harry's eyes fluttered open and locked on Louis, lips parted hair fanning the pillow, he lifted a hand as Louis bottomed out, hips flush against Harry and laced their fingers together. Louis leaned his forehead against Harry's sharing pants as Harry's other hand traveled up Louis shoulder, down his back and up again to card through his hair. They stayed like that a moment the only sounds their mingling breath and the steady sound of the rain before Louis started to move slowly, and the picking up the pace until Harry was arching off the bed, their eyes stayed locked as Harry coated his chest untouched. Louis eyes finally falling shut as his head dropped to  Harry  shoulder as he whispered nonsense praise in his ear before stilling as Harry gasp holding him tighter and clenching around him. 

"Hey Lou?" Harry asked hoarsely breaking the silence. Louis hummed in question. "We're still the best at this." Louis snorted and kissed him swallowing his laugh.

As they lay together, Harry's head on Louis chest, lips pressed to his neck, Louis felt that same warm feeling curling in his belly as he did years before.

"I love you." Harry breathed, he stiffened, obviously  not meaning to let the words out, time froze except for the soft rumble of thunder over head.

"I love you too." Louis said quickly, Harry's head lifted looking over his face a smile blooming over his face.

"Really?" he whispered.

"I never stopped." 

**

Louis phone was ringing nonstop, stumbling out of the shower hair dripping down his back he caught it before it went to voice mail.

"Mum." Louis sighed.

"Louis. Thank goodness I was getting worried. Why is your voice funny? Are you ill?"

Harry snorted  as he finished changing the bed, flopping down on the new sheets Louis flipped him off. "No mum. I was in the shower." it wasn't a lie he just wasn't going to include the fact he had Harry's cock down his throat as he massaged shampoo in to his scalp just moments ago.

"Alright then." his mum said unconvinced. "I was calling to see if you'd forgotten."

Harry had come up behind Louis and was mouthing at his neck. "Forgotten? Forgotten what?"

"Oh Lou, remember Charlotte's play? Opening night tonight and you swore you'd be there? You forgot."

"Shit fuck I did," he shook Harry off holding up a hand while Harry frown at his outburst. "When is it? What time I mean?"

"Curtains up at eight thirty." his mother sighed.

"I can make it, If I leave now I'll make it, don't tell her I forgot, I'll be there."  Louis looked around wildly for clothes realizing he wasn't at his flat.

"Alright baby. I love you." he could hear her smile.

"Can I ask?" Harry was leaning against his dresser he'd slipped on a pair of boxers and tied up his wet hair while Louis was on the phone watching Louis with thinly veiled  amusement.

"My sister's got a play I swore I'd be at and I fucking forgot because I'm an awful brother." Louis said rubbing his eyes, the image of a crestfallen eight year old when he'd missed her ballet performance because he was dicking around branded in his mind.

Harry was in his space rubbing his shoulders. "Babe you are a brilliant brother, you're allowed to forget things."

"Not important things." Louis snapped running his hands through his hair. "All I've got here are jeans, shit I don't have time."

"Louis." Harry's voice was stern. "It's alright, yeah? You have plenty of time, You can borrow anything of mine, I'm sure there's something suitable."

Louis took a breath and nodded, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. "Thank you. You're the best."

"Wrong." Harry said sing song squeezing him and holding him close a moment before leading him to the closet. "You are." 

Louis rolled his eyes. "I refuse to engage in that ridiculous play."  Harry barked out a laugh helping him get dressed.

 

"Sorry I can't stay." Louis said wrapping his coat ( well Harry's coat) around himself. Harry smiled at his softly, cupping his face and leaning in to give him a chaste kiss.

  "It's alright, do you know when you'll get back?"

Louis sighed. "Mum will probably get me to stay the night hopefully I'll get away by lunch so late afternoon?"

Harry nodded and kissed him again. "Have fun."

Louis paused outside the door, watching as Harry leaned against the door frame, in just his boxers and a shirt, face soft. "I love you." he said just loud enough for him to hear.

Harry's face split with a grin. "I love you too." 

*  
I'm serious Lots, you are the best Evil Queen ever."

"Shut up." his sister shoved him blush raising to her cheeks. They were sitting in the  living room, everything the same except the floor was coated with a newer line of baby toys.

"Seriously it could only be natural talent. You were an evil queen in a past life." She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue secretly pleased. 

"I'm going to bed. I remember why I don't miss you." she kissed his cheek and waved to their mother before she made her way upstairs leaving Louis, his mother and stepfather alone.

"Well I'll let you two have a moment." he sighed getting to his feet kissing her cheek and patting Louis shoulder.

  "Finally alone."

"Indeed and it's only ten thirty." Louis agreed he sipped his tea to avoid the silent questions.

His mother rolled her eyes. "Alright so how have you been?"

"You just talked to me yesterday mum." Louis smirked into his cup.

  "Things could have changed since yesterday. Are you seeing anyone?"

"Where did that come from?" Louis laughed. She pursed her lips and ran her finger across Louis neck, showing him the clear mark of makeup on her finger.

  "I appreciate the effort love but this is not even close to the right shade for you."

Louis sighed, silently cursing Harry for leaving a visible mark. "You caught me."

"So. " she said steeping her fingers. "Tell me all about them."

Louis finished his tea. "It's complicated."

 His mother rolled her eyes holding up a hand. "This'll take a while, I need another cup." and she disappeared into the kitchen.

Louis pulled out his phone and sent a message to Harry.

_"what're you up to?"_

Harry replied seconds later.

_"wondering if the couch is comfortable enough to sleep on, how was the play?"_

Louis smiled as he typed.

_" no, you'll hurt your back, great ,she's a natural."_

_"of course she is."_

Louis paused hearing the kettle turn off but made up his mind.

_"Mum's asking about you."_

_"oh? why?"_

_"me in general or me as in boyfriend?"_

 Louis rolled his eyes fondly.

_"both."_

_"what are you gonna tell her?"_

Louis sighed, that was the problem.

_"are you ready  for her and in short the world to know?"_

Louis could almost see the frown on Harry's face.

_"are you not?"_

_"I sort of wanted to keep you to myself a while longer? idk how she'll react :/"_

It was a few moments before Harry replied.  
_"Mums on skype funny enough. Idk does it really have a hand? like will it break us if she isn't approving?"_

His mother called asking if he wanted a snack.

_"Not even close i'd just rather not have to win her over...she doesn't know what happened before."_

_"What ever you think is best Lou, I'm going to tell mum tho, you know I can't keep anything from her."_

Louis smiled.

_"That's one of the many things I love about you. I'll call you before I settle in?"_

_"Yeah, love you."_

Louis slipped his phone back in pocket as his mother appeared with two cups of tea.

"So." She settled in, clutching her cup. "Tell me how it's complicated, Will I get to meet this one?" 

"Well." Louis started sipping his tea. "What if you've already met them?" he glance at her shyly, her eyes narrowed.

"Liam?" she asked tentatively.

"What? No mum, not Liam." Louis sputtered. 

She hummed. "Oh god is it Niall?"

" _Mum."_

She chewed her bottom lip. "Is it that Jade girl you work with?"

Louis raised his eyebrows at her. "Jade? Really?"

"Covering my bases." She held up her hands in surrender.

Louis looked into his tea. " I- it's.. I'm with Harry."

The silenced stretched. "Honey I don't understand. You and Harry had a falling out-"

"Five years ago, Yeah we did and he moves back and we run into each other and ....I thought I hated him mum." he looked up at her in despair. "I never hated him."

"Oh my baby, hate is the closest feeling to love." she said setting down her tea and pulling him into her arms. "Now, tell me everything." 

So he did, up to that morning, some things she didn't need to know. 

"Honestly, I'm scared mum." he whispered.

"Of what my darling?" she stroked his hair.

  "Of messing it up, or getting hurt or hurting him again."

"Loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that we know." She brushed back his hair. "But." She continued when opened his mouth. "We make these memories for ourselves, and when it get hard -you know well  it gets hard- it makes us feel alive."

"I don't understand what you mean." he sipped his now cold tea.

She sighed. "A love like this, as strong as you describe, doesn't show up often Lou, believe me. So you might get hurt -like you have- but it has a way of working out, you can't be afraid of waves that try to break it, you don't want to wait until it's gone." she smiled softly at him.

"Why didn't you tell me this five years ago?" he asked with a humorless laugh.

She smiled around her tea cup. "Maybe it was a twist of fate that made it so you _had_ to walk away."

 

That night Louis lay on the cot in the twins room, whispering into the phone.

"How'd it go?"

"Good," Harry yawned, Louis heard a rustling as he turned over in bed. "Mum's just worried, she knew how much of a mess I was before, wants me to be careful. Not go fast."  he said it matter of fact, no trace of hesitancy at the prospect of another possible broken heart. "Lou? You there?"

"Yeah." Louis whispered, voice strangled. "I'm here."

Harry sighed. "Lou don't worry she's just overprotective."

"She's got reason to be, doesn't she?" Louis muttered.

"Louis don't start that again." Harry groaned.

"Sorry, talking to mum just brought it all back." 

"You told her?" Harry asked, excitement in his voice.

Louis smiled, "Yeah, she's happy for us."

"I'm happy too." Harry murmured, Louis could tell he was on the edge of sleep. "This is the first time in months I haven't had you in bed with me."

"I know." Louis said in an undertone. "I miss you."

"Love you." Harry mumbled.

"I love you too, get some rest love." he heard Harry hum and the line die. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes.

 

"Hey Lou!" a shrill voice in his ear asked, he mumbled and clutched his tea closer, counting to ten before raising his head off the kitchen table to face his young sisters. 

"Yes, my dears?" he asked still hazy with sleep.

"Are you going to come to our ballet recital?" They chirruped.

  "Um, when is it?"

"Wednesday." his mother jumped in. "It's not big, casual seating. You're more than welcome to bring a friend."  she smiled at the last word.

Louis narrowed his eyes, "I'm not sure any friends could make it."

She shrugged happily while the twins looked at him imploringly. "I'll see what I can do, but I will definitely  try my best to be there." he smiled while they squealed and choked him with hugs before running off.

"Awful." Louis said kissing his mother cheek, putting his cup in the sink.

"Where do you think you got it from?" She winked walking him to the door. "Drive safely. Tell Harry, hello." 

"Love you mum." he laughed.

**

Harry was standing the alcove of his door, the hood of his hoodie pulled up over a beanie with a small bag over his shoulder. He smiled brightly as Louis pulled over, ducking through the rain and into the car.

"You haven't been out there long?" Louis asked as Harry untangled himself from the bag and tossed it into the back seat, they had decided to stay at Louis place tonight.

"No, just a few minutes." Harry sighed accepting the kiss Louis offered. "Did you eat yet?" he asked settling back for the short drive. 

"Not yet, wanted to get something with you." Louis confessed navigating the slick streets. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Harry bite down on a smile.

 

After a late lunch Louis rode Harry on the couch, dirty dishes forgotten on the coffee table nothing but the sound of rain, traffic and their soft groans filling the room, the curtains were open letting in the pale sunlight, Harry's hands raiding Louis body as he sunk up and down head thrown back fingers digging into Harry's shoulders as his hips met Louis halfway until he was coating Harry's chest with his name tumbling from his lips and Harry was throwing his head back holding Louis close. Louis fingers tangled in Harry's hair as they came down from the high, pressing feather light lips on his neck.

"We should shower." Harry whispered, not stopping the movement of his hands up and down Louis back.

"Don't wanna move." Louis grumbled, biting down lightly. He felt the rumble of Harry's chest as he laughed and suddenly stood, hands under Louis ass. Louis let out a squeak and wrapped his leg around Harry's waist. "That's not what I meant!"

Harry just laughed as he carried him expertly through the flat to the bathroom, letting Louis down just outside of the bathtub. "Barbarian ." Louis muttered darkly turning on the water to fill the tub and climbing in, spreading his legs for Harry to settle between.

"I do love you a lot, you know that right?" Louis asked a while later, Harry was soft and pliant in his arms, head back on Louis shoulder.

"Of course. I love you a lot too." Harry smiled opening his eyes. 

"My sisters want you to come to their ballet  recital on Wednesday."

"Really?" Harry asked eyes lighting up. "I haven't seen them in ages."

"Yeah." Louis laughed. "You're going to get badgered though." 

"I don't mind. You don't mind me coming right?" Harry twisted around to look at Louis.

"If you don't." Louis smoothed back his hair. "It's going to be ten year olds acting as serious as they can, if we're lucky no one will throw up."

"I'd love to." Harry beamed.

*

Which is how Louis found himself ducking into the studio where Harry worked, they were only open a half day and Caroline was home with her sick two year old leaving Harry to man . The Closed sign was already flipped despite  a man at the counter he was leaning in at what should have been an an odd angle, body uncomfortably close to Harry as Louis shook the rain from his hair he watched as the man patted Harry on the shoulder leaving it there thumb rubbing circles. 

"Hey, about ready?" Louis asked pleased his voice didn't detect the churning in his stomach. Harry smiled widely, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Hey baby." Louis eye brows jumped, Harry preferred to keep the pet names private. "Just about." 

Louis eyes jumped to the man who still had his eyes on Harry, completely ignoring him. "Oh, Jamie I told you about my _boyfriend_ Louis."

The man finally looked over and gave Louis a very obvious once over, removing his hand from Harry's shoulder. "Right." he said coldly. "Let me know when those shots come in."

"Will do." Harry nodded hurrying around the desk and slipping an arm around Louis waist, squeezing his hip as he gave him a chaste kiss, sighing when the door closed.

"What was that?" Louis asked partly bemused partly annoyed.

"Jamie." Harry explained. "He works at the framers across the street. Won't take a hint, no matter how much I talk about you." he shook his head and collected his things. "Nothing inappropriate, just flirting. I literally faced Caroline's teasing the other day  by not covering up the marks just to try and make a point."

Louis hummed, lips pursed as he pinned Harry's hips lightly to the desk.  "What are you up to?" Harry asked not bothering to hide his smirk.

Louis fingered the collar of his shirt and shrugged, before pulling it aside biting down sharply on Harry's collarbone, electing a small gasp.

"Better. " Louis nodded pulling away and admiring the bright red spot.

"What was that?" Harry laughed. Louis shrugged and held the door.

"Best be going." he winked. Harry made sure the slap his ass none too gently as he passed.

Harry fidgeted terribly as Louis parked. "You've got nothing to worry about love." 

Harry started turning to undo his belt. "I'm not nervous."

"Right." Louis nodded climbing out of the car, he waited for Harry and laced  their fingers together as the walked in.

  "You certainly do like being almost late, don't you?" 

"Oh this is coming from someone who doesn't drive." Louis waved the blonde over, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Lots, you remember Harry?"

He gave a small wave and smile while she looked Harry up and down critically. "You're taller." she decided. "And fit."

"Oi!" Louis said tickling her ribs. "You can't just say things like that about your big brothers boyfriend."

She cackled, a glint in her eye. "Just an observation." she slipped an arm each around Harry's and Louis dragging them forward. "So boyfriend huh?"

"Yeah." Harry said smiling. 

"As long as you don't break him, we're good." she said offhandedly as they entered the theater.

"Don't worry, I won't." Harry promised. She gave him a smile before dropping their arms.

"Mum, look who I found." she disappeared down a row of seats.

"Oh, Louis, thank goodness I was getting worried." She drew him into a one armed hug the other being occupied by a one year old. "And Harry darling you made it!"  she pulled him into a hug and cupped his cheek. "Oh you have grown up, haven't you? grown into a lovely young man."  Louis bit back a smile as he watched a blush crawl up Harry's neck.

"You haven't met Dan have you?" Louis intervened gesturing, he waved, his lap full of sleeping the other half of the twins. Harry leaned down to shake his hand.

"I've heard a lot about you. Only good things." he reassured laughing at Harry's face. "I'd introduce little Ernie but." he shrugged.

"Well this is Doris the other half of our new addition." Louis mother finished.  Harry smiled and held out a hand to the baby just as the lights went down. Louis sat next to his mother with Harry on the end.

A few minutes in Doris got fussy , grumbling and fidgeting, Louis took her murmuring softly and  bouncing her. "Dori whats up?" he questioned as she kept leaning away from him she grumbled loudly making grabby hands at Harry. "I think she wants you." 

Harry looked at Louis and shrugged before smiling at the baby holding out his hands for her, she immediately  latched on him and quieted down her fingers intent on his rings. Louis smiled fondly before turning his attention to the stage.

 

"They'll be out in a minute, bathroom." Louis nodded to his mother as she came back from back stage. "He's good with her." she nodded at Harry who was  apparently deep in conversation with Doris; nodded every now and then at her baby talk, making comments when she paused.

"Yeah, He is." Louis agreed, fighting back the idea of a day where they had a child of their own.

"You're right." she remarked watching her son's face."You never stopped loving him." Louis was saved from answering by two small bodies crashing into him. 

"You made it!" they shrieked. "Did you see us! "  
" I did!" Louis exclaimed dropping to his knees. "In my professional opinion you two could give any ballerinas a run for their money."

"Oh he's too sweet." Louis heard his mother say as the girls giggled into their hands, following her eye line he saw Harry coming back inside Doris in one arm and two bouquets in the other. 

"Lovely ballerinas should always get roses after a performance." he said with a small smile handing them to the twins who took them with shining eyes.

"Thank you very much kind sir." they curtsied with a giggle.

"Are you trying to buy my sisters off?" Louis asked him getting to his feet.

Harry shrugged. "I might be."

"It's late do you two want to have dinner with us?" his mother asked as they made their way to the parking lot.

"I dunno." Louis shrugged. "Hey, Harry...Harry.." Louis rolled his eyes Harry and Doris where intent on a rose that the twins had given her . _"Hazza."_

"Sorry, what?" Harry said finally reacting to his old pet name.

"Dinner, up for it?" Harry nodded and Louis mother reached to take Doris out of Harry's arms, she shrieked loudly and clutched his necklaces.

"I can put her in the seat if it would help?" Harry offered, she nodded and started leading him to the car, while the twins tugged on Louis hand.

"Mummy said we could ride with you."

"Alright then, the car's this way." Louis drug his eyes away from Harry's retreating back and led the girl over to his car.

"Lou. Who's Harry?"

"You don't remember Harry?" He asked checking their belts were done correctly they shook their heads. "Hm, well long time ago - before I went off to school- we were boyfriends."

"Why'd you stop?" 

Louis buckled  his belt. "Sometimes people do silly things when they're upset and they don't fix them because they think the other people feels differently than they do. Make sense?"

"Are you boyfriends again?" 

Louis watched Harry walk towards the car. "Yeah, we are."

"He loves you lots." one twin nodded seriously. 

"Oh really?" Louis asked twisting in his seat. They nodded absolute. "I love him lots back." Louis smiled.

*

"Well that was an adventure." Louis sighed as he buckled in.

"That's a word." Harry laughed. They'd been at Louis house for over four hours and Harry had come out over twenty friendship bracelets from the twins, several small braids in his hair from the older two and Doris and Ernie had colored in his rose tattoo( and all over his arm). "It was fun." Harry continued as Louis drove. "I've always loved your sisters."

"They've always  absolutely adored you." Louis smiled. "You always helped make cookies."

"True." Harry sighed closing his eyes. "I used to be a baker."

Louis glanced over at him, plaint against the door, eyes closed and breathing regular. "I know you were, love."

He got a soft snore in return.

When Louis got back in  the car from buying gas a while later Harry was awake and frowning at  something on his phone. "Alright?" Louis asked running a hand through his rain damp hair.

Harry smiled and shut off his phone shoving in into his pocket. "Fine." 

Louis watched him a moment longer before starting the car, once he pulled on to the road Harry reached his hand across to take Louis hand, entwining their fingers. When they were twenty minutes away Louis asked if Harry wanted to come back to his flat.

"Actually I've got a few work things to do, could you just drop me off?" there was an edge in his voice Louis couldn't pinpoint.

"Yeah, of course." Louis agreed. Harry smiled and pressed his lips to his knuckles.

 

"I'll text you before I go to sleep." Harry promised as they sat outside Harry's flat. Louis nodded. "Thank you for taking me home to your family." 

Harry was smiling softly, fingers toying with the bracelets on his arm. "I'm glad you wanted to." Louis answered honestly, reaching across to tuck hair behind Harry's ear letting his hand rest lightly on his cheek.

"I need to go in." Harry giggled leaning into kiss Louis. Once. Twice. Three times. "I love you." he murmured against Louis lips.

"I love you too." Louis laughed as Harry stole another kiss before jumping out of the car. He waved through the window and turned away.

 

Almost a week later and Harry was ..off. There was a tenseness in his shoulders and his eyes were  a million miles away when he wasn't intent on a conversation.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Louis asked one night as they sat on Harry's kitchen floor a small dish of fondue next to them, Harry sprawled between Louis legs as he worked out the kinks in Harry's shoulders.

"Nothing's wrong." Harry groan as Louis dug his thumb into a knot .

"Harry."

"Nothings wrong." Harry repeated turning around and straddling Louis.

"You're off ." Louis insisted. "I know you Harry."

"Nothings wrong, works just been mad that's all." Harry said, lips brushing against Louis throat as he trailed up his jaw and to meet his lips. "And if you knew me, You'd know what I need right now." 

"Harry." Louis protested kissing him never the less.

It ended with them sweaty, naked and covered in fondue lying  on the kitchen floor. 

"I don't think the fault lies on me fully." Louis answered when Harry complained about wasting it making him laugh and drizzled the last of it all over Louis face.

 

_"Come over when you're done I'll wait for you. xx"_

The text had come almost three hours ago when Louis had informed Harry of his late meeting, he was now struggling up the stairs to Harry's flat shoes slippery from the rain. The door was unlocked for Louis so he slipped in, as he was toeing off his shoes he heard Harry's voice coming from the bedroom. 

"....I told you my answer...Yes I know it's a once in a life time opportunity. No you don't understand I have ties I can't just -Fine I'll talk to you on Wednesday." 

Louis made his way slowly down the short hall to the bedroom, Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, frowning as he  looked at the screen of his phone. "Everything alright baby?"

Harry's head snapped up and he smiled sightly, dropping the phone of the bed and walking over to envelope Louis into a hug. "I'll tell you after dinner." he muttered.

"Harry." Louis started pulling back.

"Lou please, lets have dinner I'll tell you later okay?" his voice was thick.

Louis caught his arm, his chest tight. "Just tell me your okay."

Harry face changed. "Oh god, yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing." Louis scanned his face and nodded.

 

After dinner Harry lay down on the couch, pulling Louis down entwining their legs and slipping his hand under the hem of Louis shirt to place his hand on the base of his spine.

"When I first moved back, Caroline told me about this place and  I sent in pictures, it's like a program? You get critiqued  and  your pictures get picked up and a lot of people get really big names asking for them to photograph." Harry paused for Louis to nod as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Anyway I sent in pictures for the hell of it and I never thought I'd get a place it's like really prestigious. But I got a place."

"Harry that's amazing." Louis praised. "You're amazing." 

Harry blushed. "I'm alright."

Louis rolled his eyes. "When does it start?" 

"That's the thing. It's a long time, like a minimum  of six months."  
"A minimum?" Louis repeated. "Well it's not that long."

"In New York." Harry whispered 

"New York." Louis parroted. He took a deep breath fighting back the wave of feelings that surged. "When..when do you leave?" he tucked his face in Harry's neck to hide the sudden spring of tears in his eyes.

"I would leave next Friday." Harry whispered his arms tightening around Louis. 

"Would leave?" Louis asked sitting up. "You're not honestly saying no."

"Lou, I've just gotten settled, here, with you, I can't just leave."

Louis stood . "No. You will not say no because of me. This is a great opportunity Harry! You can't just let it go-"

"To stay in my home? With my family?  With the person I love? Yes I can Lou. It's my decision." Harry sat up brushing back his hair.

"Harry, this isn't a week end trip this is to farther your career - a career that you've dreamed of since you were little!" Louis threw his hands in the air.

"Exactly." Harry said coolly. " _My_ career. _My_ choice."

Louis ran his hands over his face. "Harry I can't let you do that."

"Or what? You're going to break up with me?" Harry was on his feet now pacing. "Are we going to repeat history?" he stopped in front of Louis, tears in his eyes. Without thinking Louis wrapped him into his arms, anger dissolving, Harry made himself smaller to fit  in Louis arms. "I don't want to lose you." he whispered.

Louis pulled back. "You're not going to." he said surely, cupping Harry's cheek  "We'll make it work, but I can't let you give up something like this for me. You understand that."

Harry nodded. "I love you." he murmured. "Don't wanna lose you."

Louis smiled against Harry's hair. "We'll make it work yeah?" he pressed his lips to Harry's temple, as they stayed together swaying slightly.

"We can make it work." Harry repeated. "We're not kids anymore."

"We really aren't are we?" he whispered. " Although I love you like I did when I was eighteen."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ta daaaa, the end.  
> Once again this is completely fictional, I don't pretend to know anything about the people these characters are based on

_"See you soon!!!xxxxx"_

"Louis have you heard anything I've said?" Liam was waving his hand in front of Louis face.

"Sorry, what?" Louis asked, putting down his phone.

"It's no use Liam, he's been like this a week." Niall kicked his feet up on to Louis desk. "And next week he'll be in a dick haze."

"Oh be nice," Jade scolded perching on the edge of his desk. "He's allowed to miss his baby."

Louis stuck his tongue out at Liam.

"She still feels bad for flirting with you on her first day." Liam scoffed.

"Anyway." Jade continued loudly. "How long has it been?"

"About six months." Louis sighed. He had flown over to surprise Harry for his birthday but Harry had been asked to stay a few months longer, making that weekend feel like an eternity ago.

"When's his flight land?" Jade asked with a sympathetic pout. 

  "An hour." 

Liam tapped the compass tattoo on Louis arm. "Does he know about this?"

Louis pulled on his sleeve to cover the tattoo. "No, I wanted to surprise him." he shrugged, he'd gotten the tattoo a few weeks ago, after Harry had sent him a picture of a ship he'd seen a few times and had gotten on a whim.

Liam raised his eyebrows and glanced at Niall. "Wow, Lou thats'-"

"Don't start." Louis groaned.

"I was only going to say bold." Liam defended. Louis raised his eyebrows. "I'm just saying ...it's been a while."

"Liam." Jade said sharply. "Don't be a dick." 

*

Louis rubbed the rope tattoo on his wrist subconsciously as he scanned the airport crowds. He had gotten it while visiting Harry.

After showing up at Harry's rented flat unannounced with a small cake and a bag muttering a "Happy birthday Haz." to a stunned Harry who's eyes had glazed over before he wrapped himself around Louis and let a few tears fall on to Louis shirt with feaverant. "You're here, oh my God, you're here Louis."

He had woken to the sound of a camera shutter going off. "My mum better never see those." He muttered well aware he was stark naked save Harry's sheet but too tired and comfortable to care.

Harry's rumbling laugh echoed around the room. "Don't worry nothing identifiable." as he crawled up Louis body from the bottom of the bed, pressing his lips up the column of his spine.

"I resent that." Louis murmured, pliant under Harry.

"Well I mean of course you've got some identifiable assets."  Louis bit back a  groan knowing what was coming. "Get it Lou? _Ass_ ets."

"Why did I fly here again?" Louis asked the pillow before hands on his waist rolled him over.

"'Cause you love me?" Harry pouted resting his chin on Louis chest.

Louis sighed. "I knew I had a good reason." Harry smiled and rest his cheek above his heart as Louis pet his hair. "I've got a crazy idea."

"What?" Harry asked propping himself up on an elbow.

"Let's be free and young."

Harry laughed. "Okay, doing what?" he asked dropping a kiss to Louis lips.

Louis twined his fingers in Harry's hair. "Let's get a tattoo."

"I'm not understanding." Harry murmured dropping down to kiss Louis neck. "Like at the same time..?"

"Like ..for us." Louis bit his lip as Harry froze.

"Like a couples tattoo?" Harry asked finally sitting up and searching Louis face. "You want to get a couples tattoo with me?"

  "I mean-"

" _Louis._ "  Harry said hushed.

"Yeah, I do." he offered a small smile. Harry beamed covering Louis face in kisses.

 

"Now you're sure?" Harry asked for the hundredth time as they walked into the tattoo parlor. Louis turned around and pinched his hip.

"Hi, Styles and Tomlinson?" the woman behind the counter asked smiling at them. They nodded . "Alright do you know what you want or do  you need a look?" she held up two binders .

"We need to look." Louis said with a glance at Harry. She nodded and set the books on the counter.

"Harry mentioned a couples tattoo?" she said flipping through to a certain page "These are the most popular but anything you really want we can work with."

They nodded thanking her and she retreated to the backroom. "Heart and arrow." Harry muttered, frowning. "You still like nautical stuff?" 

"Yeah." Louis said looking over, Harry was looking at a a ship sketch before tapping on an anchor. "We could get parts of it?" Louis suggested.

"Like split it in half?" Harry questioned.

Louis shook his head. "Like one of us gets the anchor it's self and the other gets the rope so when -"

"We're together it's a full tattoo."  Harry grinned and pulled Louis into a hug. 

"Ready?" The woman asked coming back. She nodded as they explained what they wanted. "And where do you want them?" 

Louis glanced down at their entwined hands and up at Harry who followed his eyes and smiled. "Our wrists."

 

A scream shook Louis from his memories. A large crowd was converging around a single person who dropped their bags and began hugging everyone.

"Seems a bit much to me." A voice mused at Louis shoulder. "I'd prefer just one person I really care about to come."

 _"Harry."_ Louis said breathlessly  turning around and throwing his arms around Harry's shoulders, he heard Harry's bags hit the floor as his arms wrapped around Louis waist squeezing him close, breath warm on Louis neck. 

"I missed you so much." Harry whispered.

"I missed you." Louis said pulling back enough to fit their lips together, it felt like coming home. "God I missed you." Harry pulled back and smiled at him, eyes raking over his face.

"You let your hair get long again." he murmured threading his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Been lazy." Louis muttered cupping Harry's cheek. "You got everything?" Harry nodded and picked up on bag as Louis slung the second over his shoulder and waited as Harry adjusted the strap of his third bag before taking his hand.

"I here there's a flat I need a tour of." Harry teased as they walked to the car.

Louis smiled, the night before he'd left Harry in New York, while they sprawled naked on the bed they'd talked about Louis getting a bigger flat.

  "Since I've got all your stuff clogging up." 

"I told you mum would be happy to hold it." Harry complained, he'd given up his lease and had boxed up his stuff at Louis'.

"I'm joking." Louis giggled taking a piece of chicken from Harry's take away box. "I was actually thinking."

"That's not good." Harry mumbled around a mouth of rice.

Louis stuck out his tongue." I was thinking that maybe when you got back, if you wanted to, I mean we were practically living together as it is."

"What are you saying Lou." Harry laughed scooting closer. 

"I'm trying to find a way of asking of you'd want to move into with me." he blurt. He risked a glance at Harry and found him smiling.

"Of course I do." Harry murmured tipping his chin up and pressing a light kiss to his lips.

 Harry held him at the airport the next day as he was supposed to be boarding. "I was serious last night."

"About having the best sex ever?" Louis grinned.

"It was, but that's not what I meant. I was serious about wanting to move into with you, if you want me ."

 Louis pulled back and scanned his face. "Yeah?"

Harry smiled pulling him in for a kiss. "Yeah." he whispered against his lips.

 

Harry waited until Louis pulled out onto the road before linking their hands and recounting his last few weeks where he'd been busy and they'd gotten little time to talk, Louis smiled as Harry yawned and shut his eyes mumbling about soft pretzels.

Louis parked and watched Harry sleep reveling in the soft lines of his face, sleep always made him look younger. "Babe, we're here." Louis murmured brush the hair off his face.

"Sorry." Harry said sheepishly stretching best he could in the cramped car.

"Don't be." Louis said beating him to the trunk and slinging two of his bags over his shoulder, He rattled off the passcode as they walked though the front doors of the building and up the stairs to the floor. "This is it." Louis said suddenly struck by nerves. Harry smiled at him "Door sticks a little but someone's supposed to be by in a few weeks." Louis muttered as he shouldered the door open.

He dropped Harry's bags on the floor and flipped the light switch, to the right was the sitting room big windows lit the either room and the kitchen that was separate by a counter the lay out not unlike Harry's flat, very open and airy.

"Lou this is huge." Harry breathed looking around, eyes darting from the book case to the stove and down the hall.

"It's not much bigger than your flat, it's more open." Louis shrugged. "Your stuff - I didn't know what do to with it so I sort of put it away?"

"I'll probably have to fix it all." Harry grinned.

Louis toed off his shoes and padded to the kitchen, Harry following him and pinning his hips to the edge of the counter once the tea was made. "It looks amazing Louis." 

"I tried to tidy but.. " he shrugged again.

"Thank you for wanting to put up with me all the time." Harry smiled in to his cup as he settled on the opposite counter. "I  love you."

"I love you." Louis' eyes widened. "Oh that reminds me, the landlord said you could sign the paper when he rents due, so you've got a week or so. "

Harry frowned. "What papers?"

Louis rolled his eyes. "It's not legally our flat until you sign the papers, love." 

Harry stared slowly setting his cup down and talking the few steps over to Louis, taking the tea cup out his hands and setting it on the counter behind him. He cupped his face and kissed him desperately, the kind of kiss that made Louis hands travel up his back and knot into his hair tugging slightly and slip a leg between Harry's own. 

They broke apart and Harry leaned his head against Louis, breathing sharply. "Who knew domesticity was such a turn on for you." Louis whispered, lips tingling.

"You have _no_ idea." Harry said mouthing at Louis neck, hands slipping beneath the waist band of his jeans.

Louis smiled. "Well in that case. Why don't we go to _our_ room in _our_ new flat."  He laughed loud and bright as Harry groaned into his neck and heaved him under the thighs.

Later as they lay sweaty and tangled together Harry traced the lines of Louis compass. 

" _'Home'_ " he murmured pressing his lips to the inked skin.

"A ship needs a compass doesn't it?" Louis quirked. "And a compass needs a duty."

Harry knelt beside him, bottom lip between his teeth. "I'm your home?" he whispered.

"You were before I ever realized it." 

 *

"Hey babe," Louis called toeing off his shoes a few days later.  "Why don't we go out for dinner, I'm really not in the mood to cook or tidy - oh." he automatically turned to the kitchen expecting to find Harry.

"Well at least you're doing your share." She joked. She hadn't changed a bit in five years, same warm eyes with a loving glint, dimples, and dark hair. "All these years and I don't get a hug?"

Louis floundered for a moment. "Yeah of course." he let her wrap him into a warm hug.

"I thought I heard you." Harry leaned against the counter. "Mum's making sure we're keeping house." 

"All mothers check on their children." She retorted releasing Louis with a pat on his cheek.

"Oh really? And do they all drop in without a call - waking them up from a nap while they're still getting over jetlag- and start poking around in their cupboards?" Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and hooked his chin over his shoulder.

"I told you I was in the area." She said pulling out a box of crackers before replacing it. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Dinner out sounds good, let me put on my shoes. Mum can come and interrogate you like she wants."

"Not true!" she called over her shoulder, smiling softly at Louis.

*

Dinner was going well, Harry's mother catching up with Louis, trading stories while Harry chipped in now and again, the atmosphere easy . Once or twice he saw her watching Harry with a soft smile as he talked animatedly, she caught his eye and grinned at him.

As they waited for the bill while Harry was in the bathroom she placed her hand over one of his own.  "You know he wants to spend the rest of his life with you right?" she asked hurriedly .

Louis nodded, They'd spoken in vague about the future more so since their tattoos, it scared them but felt right. " I know."

Her eyes studied his face before she pat his hand and leaned back. "Louis don't...don't hurt him, I don't think I could fix him this time."

Louis blinked the sudden wetness from his eyes. " I don't think I could if I tried." he murmured.

She nodded, smiling as Harry came back. They bid their good byes with hugs.

"Take care of him." Harry's mother whispered as she gave Louis an extra squeeze. He nodded once she released him and she smiled cupping his cheek.

Harry linked their hands as they walked back to their flat. "You do know  I love you right?"

Harry squeezed his hand. "Of course I do." he was quiet. "What did mum say?"

" What? I can't express my love for you anymore?" Louis scoffed.

"Not when I heard you two whispering." Harry joked.

Louis sighed. "She told me not to hurt you."

" Lou, I know you won't. I mean I knew when we started this there was the possibility that we would end up hurt and it scared the hell out of me, you know I open myself up without a second thought, but I knew I wanted to try - we needed to try this- there was so much unresolved between us."

"It scared me how fast we fell back into it." Louis confessed. "How natural it felt and then your being gone so long."

"It always felt natural with you." Harry agreed. "Before it was like we were meant to be more then friends."

"We were never just friends Haz." Louis laughed, remembering the late night cuddles and the deepest secrets they'd confided in only each other. Since the day they'd met there had been an irrational pull to touch and cuddle, to protect and understand, to caress and love.

Harry had been the one Louis sought  after his first heartbreak mere days after they struck a friendship. Louis had the first to know Harry really never liked girls despite kissing a few. The first to know he'd kissed a boy ( though it brought a wave of jealously in Louis stomach) . Harry had been the first person to see Louis cry. Louis was the first person Harry trusted to get drunk with, first person to get high with.  

When they finally kissed it had felt like more, felt like it should, felt right. Louis would never forget that first kiss. How real it felt, how natural, how Harry had trusted Louis with his feelings knowing that Louis wouldn't shun or laugh at his crush regardless, how happy he'd been knowing it was a mutual attraction. How Harry had trusted him to be his first, how Harry had handed Louis his heart, how right it felt to hold his heart and his hand, to know it was his .

"We weren't were we?" Harry said a smile in his voice. "I always was comparing you with other friends, like 'friends sleep in another  bed when they spend the night? that's odd'."

"Friends don't treat me like you do." Louis added knowing the feeling. "Friends never love me the way you do."

" Like 'friends don't kiss me like you do'" Harry laughed. "I think it finally made sense when you  kind of started seeing that guy - what was his name? Josh?- and I was so angry and all I could think was if we're not friends there'd be nothing I could do."

Louis laughed remembering how baffled he was when Harry'd not spoken to him a week after he'd found out Louis gone on a date.

"But I didn't want anyone to find out because if it all went wrong and you didn't feel the same I didn't anyone to know that I'd gotten a crush on my best mate."

  "But it did."  

Harry pulled Louis to a stop under the sixth street lamp post flickering dully. "Definitely did." he whispered smiling into a kiss.

*

"... Harry that's incredible." Louis caught the end of Liam's sentence as he made his way to their regular table a few weeks later.

"What's incredible?" Louis asked resting his hands on Harry's shoulders.

"I'm pregnant." Harry deadpanned looking up at him.

Louis raised his eyebrows. "I'm laughing on the inside." he said dryly, accepting Harry's kiss before he started to pout. The table roared and Harry pulled Louis on to his lap.

  "Caroline wants me to be co owner of the studio." 

"That is incredible!" Louis praised peppering his face with kisses. 

  "I told ya, dick haze." Niall muttered into his beer.

Louis flipped him off.

"So you're not excited about Caroline's offer?" Louis asked as they climbed into the back of the cab. Harry had been rather subdued about it.

"No, I am, it's just." Harry paused climbing in after Louis and rattling off the address to the driver. "I don't know if she's only offering because of the program." he shrugged.

"And that would be a bad thing...?"

Harry sighed looking out the window. "I just, I want it to be because I'm good not because of some program says I'm good that's all, it's stupid."

 "Babe you are good. Remember she's the one who told you to send in pictures, she's proud of you."

"I feel like she think's I'm more qualified than she is even though she's been doing this longer." Harry sighed, resting his head on Louis shoulder.

Louis pressed his lips to the top of Harry's head. "It'll work out, love."

 

A few days later the computers crashed at work and Louis lost almost everything he'd compiled for months, giving him no choice but to work well into the night. He shoved in the door yawning, head throbbing from too long at the screen, the time well past midnight. The sitting room was completely lit , TV on buzzing softly as Harry slept on the couch. Toeing off his shoes and tossing down his bag Louis knelt on the floor shaking Harry's shoulder.

"Baby, you need to wake up." Harry grumbled in his sleep. "Hazza, come on it's really late."

Slowly Harry cracked open his eyes blinking dolefully at Louis a moment. "You could have answered."

"What?" Louis asked his exhaustion making his head thick.

Harry sat up throwing off Louis hand and stood. "You could have answered your fucking phone or texts."

"Harry I was working, the database crashed-"

"Oh that's alright then." Harry hissed walking to the kitchen. "Excuses every damn thing."

Louis rubbed his face, "I don't understand why you're so upset."

"Because I was worried!" Harry shouted rounding on him, hands braced on the counter. "I get a message saying you're leaving and will meet me home and nearly nine  hours later you finally waltz in! You don't answer your phone, your emails, you could have been in an ally somewhere for all I knew! How the hell should I feel?"

 "Harry I'm sorry my phone died and I had to get my data back." Louis whispered reaching out. "Baby please.."

Harry shook his head and turned away wiping his eyes, guilt pooled in Louis stomach, Harry ignored Louis hand and went to the bedroom closing the door behind him making it obvious he didn't want Louis following him. Louis groaned and fell face fist on the couch falling asleep.

 He woke at the sound of the shower, back cramped from his awkward position he shuffled into the kitchen turning on the coffee pot and setting toast to cook. Harry emerged shortly wrapped in a towel, he watched Louis quietly from his perch on a stool as he pushed the toast towards him along with the butter setting himself more to cook. With a soft "Thanks" Harry buttered and bit into his toast while Louis leaned back clutching his coffee. 

 "I'm sorry I was late." he said softly as Harry finished eating. Harry nodded. "I'm still not use to having someone waiting for me."

 Harry walked around and stood in front of Louis. "I'm sorry I freaked out at you at three in the morning. I was just so worried, and I fell asleep and all I could think about was if something had happened to you." Harry took a shuttering breath and Louis held out his arms, Harry stepped into them and tucked his face in Louis neck. "I love you."

"I love you too, I'll get better at this I promise."

 

*

Louis was woken on Saturday by Harry's excited voice carrying through the flat. "Are you serious? Oh my god that's amazing!"

Dragging himself out of bed Louis slipped on a pair of sweat pants hissing as his feet hit the cold floor and padded out to the living room. Harry was sat at the counter laptop open  gesturing wildly as he talked, ear buds in Louis leaned against the wall and watched him a soft smile playing at his lips, until he finally hung up and caught Louis in the hall.

"Sorry did I wake you?" Harry grimaced as he shut the laptop. 

"Doesn't matter." Louis smiled walking over to wrap his arms around Harry kissing his shoulder. "What's up?"

"I  was talking to Gem." Harry  confirmed Louis suspensions. "They finally picked a date for the wedding."

Louis lifted his head to see Harry's smile. "That's great Haz, she happy?"

"Over the moon, they've been together for almost five years and engaged for almost two, He's a great guy, you'll like him."

Louis hummed. "When is it?"

Harry stood and started gathering breakfast  as Louis started the teapot. "This summer, they're going to have it here rather than America. He's only got his mum who's loves to travel and we're all here."

"Is your dad going to be invited?" Louis posed cautiously knowing the rocky waters Harry tread with his father.

Harry shrugged. "I dunno, he's only contacted us a few times since the divorce- Robin's always more a father to us than he was- but it's up to her, I suppose she'll at least try."

 "I didn't know you were talking to him." 

Harry shrugged as he fried eggs. "I ran into him a few years after we moved- right when mum and Robin had started dating fucked them up for a few weeks, he just was totally blown away mum was dating-  it was the day before my eighteenth actually tried to make up the years he was gone sucked at it, kept asking me if I had a girlfriend I literally told him I liked dick and he left, sent money for my birthday- spent it on this- " Harry tapped the star tattoo on his upper arm. "That's it really. Calls or just sends money for Christmas." 

"Wow, real bonding then." Louis chuckled.

Harry laughed as he plated the eggs. "Gem's was always closer to him, I wasn't the laddish boy he wanted I guess, never liked the things he did."

Louis touched his wrist as they sat. "Haz you know it wasn't you that made them divorce."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I just always felt guilty that I didn't take it as hard as Gem. Never liked the father/son bonding stuff we did and he was gone so much." he shrugged. "I just hope one day I'm a better father I guess."

"You will be." Louis reassured. "You'll be phenomenal." Harry smiled .

"You will be too." 

"Oh you think so?" Louis asked sipping his tea.

Harry nodded. "You've always been fantastic with your sisters."

Louis shrugged. "Thats what happens when you grow up with babies." A minute passed. "I think I want a big family."  Louis put out. 

Harry tried to bite back his smile. "Me too, three kids minimum I think."

Louis nodded. "Yeah, all around the same age so it's not terribly hard."

Harry hummed. "You have twins on your  mums side right?"

"Two sets, also obviously girls."

"I think I've always wanted a daughter." Harry said picking at the remnats of his plate.

"She has to kick ass though, none of that  damsel in distress." Louis added.

"Unless she wants to be." Harry corrected. 

Louis hummed in agreement. " Of course but she needs to be independent- mum would kill me if she wasn't,"

"Oh yeah no doubt ."  Harry laughed, he watched Louis. "Were you planning this to turn into a conversation about our future?"

A warm shiver ran up Louis spine. "No but I'm glad it did."

*

Harry dragged Louis  down the sidewalk hands sweating slightly from the heat. "So let me get this right, we're looking in antique shops for something for your  very modern sister's wedding in two months."

Harry pulled his sunglasses off when they got under the awning . "Exactly."

Louis rolled his eyes and held them while Harry pulled his hair up taking the glasses back with a kiss. The store was blissfully cool, full of tables laid thick with bits and bobs; lamps, teacups, silverware, leather bound books, yellowed newspapers and pictures.

Glancing at Harry Louis saw the smile grow across his face. "I'm going over here okay?" Louis nodded to the left they'd be in here for hours if it was up to Harry.

 Harry hummed and squeezed his hand eyes set on a set of wine glasses with what appeared to be gargoyles etched on them.

Shaking his head Louis wondered the store flipping through a few old book editions and picking up a flower brooch for his mother, he came to a table laid with jewelry.

"See anything ya fancy?" asked an old woman with a kind smile, wrapped in scarves.

 "It's all very nice." Louis commented, fingers traveling over a pair of earrings. His gaze caught on a simple silver band inlet with blue stones, he turned it over in his hands.

"Beautiful." the woman commented. "Make a good gift." she nodded over his shoulder at Harry.

"It would, wouldn't it?" Louis quipped. He smiled, mind made up. "Could I buy these?"

The woman smiled, leading him over to a cash register. She winked as Louis slid the ring into his pocket bagging up the other items. 

"Find something?" Harry asked arms full of wine glasses. 

"Yeah." Louis said helping him unload. "You're honestly getting her gargoyles for her wedding?" 

"I got flowers too." Harry a laugh cracking his pout. "Pay back for the time she kept hiding Gran's glass dolls in my room." he shuttered helping wrap the glasses and paid thanking the woman.

"No trouble honey." She said patting his hand. "Good luck." She added to Louis throwing him another wink.

"'Good luck?'" Harry asked as Louis held the door for him.

"No idea. Maybe because you're crazy?" Louis smiled hip checking him as they walked he slipped his other hand into his pocket feeling the ring.

*

Before he knew it Louis was dressed in a suit and helping Harry unload his camera equipment from the trunk, a pavilion a little ways to their left and a large pond with a gazebo to the right, willow branches dancing in the wind. Harry put his hands on his hips, looking towards the pond. 

"Oh yeah, very nice. With the willows in the background and the lilies. When the sun goes down it'll hit the gazebo nicely and then a few once it's dark with the fairylights?" Harry murmured, taking off his sunglasses.

"Totally agree." Louis fixed the scarf around Harry's neck and did up a button, indecent honestly, Harry smiled at him. "I have no idea what you said."  
"I know, I'm glad you admit it." Harry laughed fixing Louis lapels  before giving him a quick kiss. "Now help me log this stuff up."

Louis grumbled the whole way up the short path to the house hidden by a garden. Harry's mother stood on the porch dressed but barefoot, pressing a kiss to their cheeks.

 "My that is a lot of stuff."

"Mum , Ive been doing this since I was fifteen you should know how much stuff I need." Harry scolded before wrapping her into a hug with a soft 'you look lovely'.

"Oh don't you look handsome." she said to Louis brushing his shoulders. 

"Only someone your age could that off." Said a voice coming from another room, it could only be the Robin Harry had described in painstaking detail, from the warm grin to the mischievous twinkle in his eye as he wrapped Harry into a hug.

"All the more reason." Harry laughed when they broke apart, turning to Louis. "Robin this is Louis."

"Ah the infamous Louis. I've heard all about you, got intentions with my boy over there." he said frowning making Louis heart jump to his throat as he stammered searching for something to say, he burst into laughter and hauled Louis in for a hug clapping him on the back. "Good things my boy." he nodded towards Harry.

"Where's Gem?" Harry asked hefting a camera starting up the stairs. 

"Getting dressed, behave." his mother scolded.

"Obviously." Harry winked over his shoulder. Calling Louis to follow him, stopping at a closed door Harry aimed his camera at Louis.

  "Oi!"

"Just making sure it's in focus."  Harry grinned cheekily knocking on the door. "Are you decent?" he called.

"Oh god forbid you see a bra." called a voice called back, the door opened reveling a young woman looking strikingly like Harry dressed in a bathrobe. "The girls used to throw them at you."

"Yeah and I used to throw them back." Harry grinned wrapping his arms around her whispering, as they passed "I missed you so much" back and forth.

She turned to Louis and looked him up and down, face expressionless. She took a deep breath and punched Louis' shoulder, hard enough to knock him off balance. "That was for hurting my baby brother." She told him before pulling him roughly into a hug. "And that's for making him happy." She whispered kissing his cheek. 

 

They started late because Harry insisted on _"One more picture, the light's perfect."_

"We were two hours late for our wedding." Harry's mother whispered as they finally made their ways to their seats - Harry standing as best man- "It was hilarious."

"Sounds about right." Louis smiled taking the seat to her right while Robin was on her left. Harry's eyes found him from the murmured conversation he was having with the minister and he broke out into a smile that Louis couldn't help but return ducking his head as the music began to play.

After a beautiful ceremony ( and a million more pictures) Louis found himself standing along the wall with a glass of wine, the pavilion set alight with the orange glow of the sunset watching Harry twirl his sister as they danced, her new husband taking their mother on the dance floor. Harry had been right Louis liked him, he was quick witted and sharp tonged but held a deep kindness, and agreed that IronMan was the best. Louis lost sight of Harry as Robin swooped in for a dance.

"Hi." said a voice by his ear. 

"Hi." Louis whispered back as hands spanned his waist. "Done with pictures?"

Harry hummed holding Louis closer and swaying sightly. "Gem said her makeup was wearing off and if she saw the camera again she was chucking it into the pond."

Louis laughed sinking back into Harry's embrace and  offering his wine, Harry sipped and brushed his lips along Louis jaw entwining their fingers. "You wanna walk?" 

They slipped out quietly taking a long way around to the pond. "It's really pretty." Harry said taking Louis hand again. They walked slowly talking about everything and nothing.

"I can't believe Gem's married." Harry said abruptly  stopping. "She's like actually married Lou. And you, your here."

Louis cupped his cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone. "Yeah." 

"I never thought this would happen." Harry whispered. "I thought I lost you for good."

Louis kissed him. Bodies lined up, as close as possible fingers tracing secret patterns. His left pocket feeling heavy  as it had for the past three weeks. "I'm right here."

Harry tucked Louis under his arm as they walked again, Louis slipping an arm around his waist.  Louis confessed. "I realized something while you  were away did I tell you?"

"Nooo What?" Harry drawled as they made their way up the steps of the gazebo, it was dark enough for the fairylights to be on, throwing them into shadows. He perched himself on the railing Louis coming to stand between his knees.

"Well I was thinking about how much love that's wasted by people trying to escape it, to move on to stop their hearts breaking- like we did."

Harry nodded and rested his hands on top of Louis that had come to sit on his thighs.

"And I realized that I'm not scared  of love, that when I'm not with you I'm weaker." Harry leaned in and pressed his lips to the corner of Louis mouth. "I realized  that we're better off together in our bed, that I want to hold you in your sleep forever, I fall in love with you every single day and I want to keep you next to me until we're old and our kids think we're a joke." 

Harry chuckled and Louis took half a step back, hand slipping into his pocket.

"I thought about what this means." he traced the line of Harry's anchor tattoo. "This means forever doesn't it? This means I'll be loving you until we're seventy, through thick and thin."

"Lou I don't understand what you're getting at." Harry asked confusion and amusement coloring his voice.

"I love you." Louis started taking a deep breath, fingers closing around the object in his pocket. "I love you and  because...because there's nothing I'm running from, I'm not scared so I want to ask you ... I've loved you since I was eighteen- we had a false start I know." He shook himself, knowing he was rambling, who knew this was so hard? "But we've taken a chance  and it's worked, what I'm trying to say is that I want it to be us against the world, I want it to be  you and I forever." 

Louis took another step away from Harry and dropped to one knee, Harry's eyes widened.

"What I'm trying to say is it's a beautiful night and I'm foolishly completly in love with you and this is absolutely crazy but: Will you marry me?"

Harry stared at him, jaw slack. "Are you serious ?" his voice barely above a whisper

Louis huffed out a strangled chuckle. " I wouldn't have been carrying around this ring for three weeks if I wasn't." 

"Lou." Harry breathed as Louis stood, brushing a tear that had escaped his welling eyes away with his thumb.

"You don't have to answer." Louis reassured fingers splayed on his cheek.

"You genuinely  want to spend the rest of your life with me." Harry murmured his face breaking into a smile.

Louis nodded shyly. "I'd like to sit next you forever, yeah."

Harry suddenly flung his arms around Louis kissing him desperately. "Yes." he gasped, leaning his fore head agaisnt Louis' sharing his breath. "Yes a thousand times yes."

"Yeah?" Louis slipped the ring onto his finger, not noticing the tear making it's way down his cheek until Harry was wiping it off with the pad of his thumb.

"Yeah." Harry confirmed. " I wanna marry you."

*

They lay in bed the next night tangled together stated and sticky, Harry's family had convinced them to stay until the newlyweds left in the  late afternoon and Harry had refused to wear his ring ("I want it to be ours for the weekend, you know?")  instead being attached to Louis at the hip and sharing secret smiles.

"You are twitchy  and smiley." Gemma commented poking him while they sat on the porch supervising as the pavilion was taken down, Louis sat a little away playing cards with their mother. 

"I just love spending time with you all."  Harry said with a too long glance at Louis.

Louis shook his head a smile curling at his lips, catching Harry's mother's eye as she winked at him pressing a finger to her lips a knowing twinkle in her eye, he blushed and ducked his head to hide his smile.

When they'd finally gotten home Harry dropped the bags he carried as Louis pinned his hips to the wall mouth finding his, Harry's hands slipped under the hem of Louis shirt the cool feel of the ring making him shiver. Harry made quick work of his jeans as they panted into each others months.

"So many things I wanna do." Harry whispered flipping them around and dropping to his knees.

Eventually they made it to the bed after a shower, dropping on to the cool sheets and curling around each other.

"I can't believe we got engaged at a wedding." Harry said biting lightly at Louis stomach from his position sprawled between his legs. "What a cliché we are."

Louis hummed, scratching Harry's scalp lightly. " I can always take it back if it bothers you that much." 

Harry straddled him, leaning down, hands by his head, hair cascading around his face. "No fucking way." Louis grinned.

"I mean if it bothers you that we're a cliché -" Harry cut him off with a kiss.

"No." Harry whispered curling up to his side. "It doesn't bother me at all."

"Good, "Louis murmured back. " 'Cause I'm going to make sure we're every cliché in the book now."

Harry laughed loud and bright, sending  bolts if warmth down Louis spine. "Just kiss me you fool."

Louis smirked, his lips just brushing Harry's.

  "Happily." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was enjoyably, I had a lot of fun writing it :)  
> You can find me at: therosiestofdaggers on tumblr if you want


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